16 years and bad dreams

Today my first born son (Matthew) turns 16. He doesn't live with me so I won't get to spend the day with him but his dad will. It's makes me sad but I am also very happy he is doing well at his dad's. About a year ago I let him decide who he wanted to live with. After being with me for fifteen years he decided it would be fun to spend time with dad. I agreed with him. It was time. It sure doesn't make it easier on me. I miss him desperately. 

I'm up at five again this morning. My normal waking time is about six but with the time change I think my body is still being weird. For some reason I have consistently been having bad dreams. I don't even want to sleep anymore so that I can make the dreams stop. They usually involve scary things like my husband leaving or someone hurting my son Skyler because he won't behave. I'm so tired of it. I always wake up in a black cloud and spend the morning trying to shake it off. Sigh! 

Today is day four on my nutrition plan from my personal trainer. It's going well but I am going over my calories every single day. At night I'm eating two slices of bread with organic peanut butter and honey on it. If I could skip that evening snack then I would be closer to my calorie goals. My first "official" paid meeting with the PT is Tuesday so I will talk to him about it. In the meantime I'm not exercising. I feel a bit out of shape for not doing so but that will change soon. 

It hasn'tnt been easy this weekend. Normally I participate in all the eating and drinking and then live to regret but I have been able to say no to myself and just drink a cup of tea instead. I'm so proud. To be honest it felt really great to not have a hangover or to be bloated from too much pizza the night before. I'm happy!! 

I always have to remember that life is what you make of it. God put us here on earth to enjoy ourselves but also to be wise about it along the way. 

We went to the zoo yesterday as a family. We currently have our house for sale and we needed to be out for a house showing. Here is a picture i had taken

. I sure love him. ❤️❤️❤️ 

Also, to the lady who wanted to be my weight loss buddy, I tried to email you but it was returned. My email address is Rebekahb1975@yahoo.com. 

The struggle

The struggle is real. Have I said that before? I recently hired a personal trainer, and by recently, I mean two days ago. Since I got married nearly three years ago I have not been able to pull it together. I know what I'm doing wrong and I only have myself to blame. I should be stronger, regardless of who is around me and the choices they are making. Info not have to feel guilty for saying no. I made the decision to get a trainer because I can't do this on my own. I have gained a good twenty pounds since my marriage. My life has changed and so the way I have done things in the past are not working. My first personal training session is this Tuesday. In the meantime he has me on a nutrition plan. Crossing my fingers and praying a lot. 

Scale pic...

I started my weight loss journey at 319 pounds. All along the way I posted my "scale" pictures as the weight came off. I really slacked off the past year so I am going to start posting it again. My new scale measures body fat which I never kept track of before. It's pretty exciting.

Weekends

So I'm one night into the weekend. Last night was successful and I stayed completely on plan...but...I'm sitting here this afternoon and we are getting ready for a bbq with my dad and I am contemplating eating the dessert I am making and having a wine cooler. Decisions are hard. I wish I could eat other some things like desert and not over do it. I keep saying to myself "I have goals. " sigh!!

Update:made myself a cup of hot tea with some real creamer in it. The sweetness is helping me, for this moment anyway. 

So dang hard..

Normally on Friday nights I will have my cheat night. Usually it's lots of pizza and boneless wings and lots of alcohol. (I'm just being honest) I have talked about this before but my cheat nights would extend into the weekend and I noticed that I wasn't loosing weight and worst of all I was falling into a depression because I knew I wasn't making good choices. 

I am so excited to report that somehow I was able to not cheat at all last night. I went to Zumba, came home, at a chicken wrap, watched tv with my husband, and then went to bed. Sound birding? Yes it sure does but I think I've had enough fun over the years and if I want to reach my goals I have to do this. I have to make better choices. I prayed and told God that I couldn't do it without him. I need Him desperately. I can not do this on my own. 

Some people think I'm too obsessed. They say things like " you look great already, why do you have to get to 150 pounds" or I get "you have to have a cheat night to be successful" and the best one "as long as your exercising you can eat whatever you want. " I hear it all, but I know ultimatly I have to live with my decisions. I know how I feel about myself when I don't eat right or when I don't exercise. So as the great musician Michal Jackson sang "I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life. It's gonna feel real good I'm gonna make a difference I'm gonna make it right. " 

With that said, this is hard. It's hard to make decisions on your own knowing that someone else thinks your boring or doing it wrong. I feel very alone and kind of scared. In my heart I know I'm making the right decisions by not drinking and passing up the high sodium high fat "fun" foods, but it doesn't make it easier. This is such a lonely journey. But....

Here's to a better life. 

Nail polish

It's no secret that I am constantly looking for more ways to be healthy. One of those ways was trying to find a nail polish solution that worked for me. With regular store bought nail polishes my nails seem to crack and just flake. It's horrible. I tried jamberry nails, and I like them, but they are really hard to apply. I can only assume that the bad chemicals in nail polishes are the culprit for me. My girlfriend who I met in Zumba class actually makes non toxic polishes that do not contain any of these chemicals commonly found in store bought polishes (Tolyene-helps suspend the color and form a smooth finish across the nail. It also affects the central nervous system and can cause headaches dizziness and fatigue. It is also possibly linked to reproductive and developmental toxins. Impairs breathing, causes nausea, causes developmental damage to the fetus, and is linked to malignant lymphoma. Formaldehyde-found in some nail products such as nail hardener and is also known as the human carcinogen. It's used to embalm dead bodies. Camphor-exposure to this toxin can cause irritation, nausea, dizziness, and headaches. When ingested can be linked to seizures and in rare cases cause liver damage when applied to skin.) 😧 I do not want those things on my nails. Amy's polishes are mood changing polishes and change color from hot to cold. I LOVE them. I can't wait to buy all the colors. This one is blue/purple. One thing (among many) that I love about her polishes is they dry so dang fast. 

You can visit her Etsy store here: 

https://www.etsy.com/shop/AhHaNailLacquer?ref=hdr_shop_menu

The movies...

I really considered eating all the popcorn tonight at the movie theater, but I thought to myself "you have goals," and I brought my own snacks instead. It never gets easier, just more rewarding.

Still trying

I'm sitting here this morning watching "extreme weight loss. " I LOVE watching these kind of shows because they speak to my heart and I relate to them so much. Today's show is a woman about my age who weighed 349 pounds. She is quite a mess. She is sad and her self esteem is very very low. Wow! Sounds exactly like I used to be and sometimes still am. 

I cried for her while I was watching. My heart bleeds for people like this...for people like me. 

One thing about this show that makes me so sad is that these people actually reach there goals within a year or two. I have never been to my goal. I keep thinking "I need to crack the code. " 

I do feel like I am making better choices. If I can power through the weekends then I know I will loose weight. You just can't do good all week and then eat horrible on the weekends. It just doesn't work that way. My one weakness right now is peanut butter and honey on a slice of bread with a glass of milk. It seems like I cannot get through the day without eating that late at night. It has always been my go to snack. But it doesn't necessarily fit into my calorie for the day. It's these little things I would like to improve on. Someday, someday I will weigh 150 pounds. 

My raw feelings on still being obese...

I hope this link works. 

http://youtu.be/OR6XuGqAEjU

A little step forward...

so there is a little bit of weight loss. I can't wait to be under 200 pounds again. I logged into myfitnesspal yesterday and was shocked to find that the last time I logged in I weighed 184. That is devastating to me. I have really taken many steps back. I'm trying to figure out what went wrong and why I gained so much weight over the past five months or so. I can only blame it on my cheat days and my drinking nights. There is no other explanation. Before I got married I didn't need cheat days and although I did a little bit of drinking once a week I believe I drink more now. Don't hear me wrong, I don't have a problem with alcohol but I do believe I was consuming it too much and that is obvious since I've gained weight instead of loosing. It's amazing how I can totally sabotage my weight loss just on the weekends. 

I'm hoping that I am starting a new trend. Last weekend I didn't drink at all and I didn't have any cheat meals. I am aiming for the same results this weekend. 

I feel excited about things again. 

Update on me...making strides...

Find my awesome headbands at www.owlbesweatin.com Use my code Rebekah15 for a discount. Remember that I do not sell these, I just promote them because I love them.

What do I want

I've definitely been on the road of self-discovery lately. I can be very confusing finding out what you really want in life. In many areas of my life I already have what I want, a good marriage, great kids, couldn't relationship with God. Somehow I am never satisfied with my weight loss goals. I don't feel like I'm finished, I want more. 

There are so many things I've done right. I've completely changed my way of living and as a result of lost 120 pounds. That's amazing! On the flipside of that I still weigh 200 pounds, and it's 50 pounds heavier than I should be. I've been in this place for two and a half years now. In those two and half years I have still for the most part eating healthy and exercised but I haven't fully committed to losing weight. Just recently in the past two weeks I've finally come to a place mentally where I am fully committed to losing this weight. That's begins the journey of trying to figure out how.

In those tuna half years of trying to figure out how I have tried many different options. None of these options seem to have worked for me. I did get down to 184 pounds, unfortunately I gained it all back and am now back up to 200 pounds. I realize that something is drastic has to change for me to reach my goals. 

This is not easy because I feel like I'm back at the beginning, when I weigh 319 pounds, and I was battling my self. I am most definitely back in the place. I don't know what's going to work for me, but I feel like I need to go back to the basics. I'm going to start blogging again, and I am currently researching the vegan lifestyle. I don't know exactly if it's what I want to do, but I'm living the life already about 50%. It's kind of thrilling to think about starting something new and hard. I can do really hard things so I am interested to see if I can do this. More to come...

The gym

I reinstated my gym membership today. I am a excited to start doing something for myself again. Ill update more later. 

Goals and wishes

I'm so sad lately about my weight loss, or should I say my non-weight loss. How did I loose my focus? I have been helping my husband with our home business but instead of it being a part time job, it has turned into a full time job and I have lost my excitement for the things I love. I just got so discouraged and stressed out. Now I'm sitting here on the couch, it's 5:44 in the morning and wondering what has changed? How did I let life get to me like that? I've been eating cookies for goodness sake. Uggg!! I don't have the answers. I wish I could unlock the key to success. I want to hit my goal weight so bad but I'm letting myself get in the way.
I suspended my gym membership. The kids are out of school and I just wasn't finding the time to go. Instead I was doing at home work outs but I have found that it's really boring after awhile and I miss the people at the gym, and I miss my cardio classes. I want my old schedule back. I really should stop belly aching and just go resubmit my membership. I'm so afraid of going backwards. I weigh 200 pounds again. Now I have 50 pounds to go to get to my goal. Sigh! That makes me sad.

Headband Review

You can visit Owl Be Sweatin at www.owlbesweatin.com Use code Rebekahb15 for a 15% discount. I do not sell these, I only promote them because I love them. Check out my video below.

Free!!!

FREE!! I am starting a free weight loss accountability group on MONDAY!! It's totally free. There will be no specific program to follow, you just follow your own program, but we will be sharing ideas and weight loss tips. We will mostly be giving support to each other. I'll run it for two weeks. If your interested please find me on Facebook and "friend" me or leave your Facebook name below and I will find you(I am under Rebekah Bancroft). It will be a private Facebook group so any pictures or comments will not show up on your feed!! I'm so excited!! #gettingmybodyback #findingmyskinny

Back to the gym

Owl Be Sweatin' headbands

Headbands by @owlbesweatin 🌼They are adjustable and stay in place even during your most CRAZY workouts. Use code Rebekah15 for a 15% discount. ✌🏻️🌷

An update on me...

Reaching your goals...

If you think even for one second that you CANT accomplish your goals then you are so 100%wrong. The picture on the left was me around 300 pounds just 4 years ago, a single mom of four, and I just relinquished my fifth child to open adoption. My life was a mess. Truly, anything is possible if you just try. I'm still a work in progress...but DANG!! Look at my picture. BE INSPIRED today friends!! ❤️❤️❤️✌🏻️✌🏻

Saving myself...

This is exactly how I feel when it comes to my weight loss journey. The only one who can help me...is me. But, having support and love is super important as you fight the ever difficult task of concurring a food addiction or any other addiction for that matter. 

My weight loss accountability group starts in a few short weeks. Please let me know if you want more information.  I would love to work with you. Email me at RebekahB1975@yahoo.com

My second weight loss challange group starting soon...

I am starting another online accountability weight loss challenge group and I have a few spots open!! It officially starts on April 27th. 

My first group has a couple weeks left and I'm gearing up for the next one!! By the way, one of my girls has already lost 6 pounds and they are only two weeks in!! THAT'S INCREDIBLE!

This group is designed to teach you how to live a healthy lifestyle by learning portion control, eating the right kinds of foods, and also short intense workouts that will get you results!

There is a financial investment required (to make sure you have ALL the tools you need to SERIOUSLY rock this,) but there are a range of options, so I am sure we will find something to fit YOUR budget needs.

This is a LIFESTYLE change, not a QUICK fix. I have lost 133 pounds by changing my habits and practicing them every day. I want to pay it forward and help others reach their goals.

Respond to this invitation if you are serious about changing your life and getting healthier. This is an investment in YOU and YOUR future. I cant wait to work with you!!




If you are interested you have several ways of contacting me below:

1. Email=RebekahB1975@yahoo.com
2. Facebook=https://www.facebook.com/rebekah.warebass
3. My facebook fan page: https://www.facebook.com/FindingmyskinnyBeachbody



Rebekah

Strength training vs cardio...

Where did "finding my skinny" come from?

Where did "Finding My Skinny" come from?                                      I get corrected all the time when people hear the name of my blog or my Instagram account. 😳.             They say "you need to get healthy not skinny. " I actually completely agree with those people to a degree. 😎 and here is why!!             When I started my weight loss journey in 2010 I weighed in at 319 pounds. I couldn't shop at any of the normal clothing stores and even if I found a pair of jeans that I could squeeze 😰 into, they were REALLY uncomfortable. I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. 😶                                             When I made the choice to change my life and get healthy I decided to start a weight loss blog. I didn't have any support, and I was a single mom, so a blog seemed to be the best way for me to reach out. When I was searching for a name for my blog the first thing that came to my mind was " what are my goals?" Well I knew my goals were to of course loose weight but more then that I wanted my old body back, and my old body was "skinny" 💃and fit💪. So it was only natural for me to call my blog "finding my skinny," because not only was I trying to get healthy, I was also trying to find my "skinny. " so when you see my IG name or you read my blog, please rest assure that I am doing this the healthy way, and I'll tell you something else that I have discovered.....skinny feels OH so much better then Where did "Finding My Skinny" come from?                                      I get corrected all the time when people hear the name of my blog or my Instagram account, or my facebook "like" page 😳.             They say "you need to get healthy not skinny. " 

I actually completely agree with those people to a degree. 😎 and here is why!!             

When I started my weight loss journey in 2010 I weighed in at 319 pounds. 😳 I couldn't shop at any of the normal clothing stores and even if I found a pair of jeans that I could squeeze 😰 into, they were REALLY uncomfortable. I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. 😶                                             When I made the choice to change my life and get healthy I decided to start a weight loss blog. I didn't have any support and I was a single mom, so I reached out to the online world for support in the form of my blog. 

Then there was the challenge of finding a name for my blog. I had to ask myself what my goals were, and naturally My goals were to lose weight, but what I really wanted to do was find myself. I didn't want anyone else's body, I just wanted my old body back and my old body was "skinny." 💃

So I decided to call my blog "finding my skinny." 

To all those who don't agree with my choice, I assure you I have lost all this weight the healthy way. 🍒🍌

But I'll tell you something else I've discovered....skinny feels a heck of a lot better than obesity feels. 

Find me on Instagram at: Finding_my_skinny

Find me on facebook and "like" my page at: https://www.facebook.com/FindingmyskinnyBeachbody

Our fun Saturday!

https://youtu.be/xrcEvWqXPW8

Healthy weight loss tip #4...

Healthy weight loss tip #3

Healthy tip #2

What is the 21 day fix?

Healthy weight loss tips #1

There are SIX days before my challenge group starts!!! Have you signed up yet? I am starting a video series that will run every day until the challenge starts. The videos will be helpful tips and ideas for loosing weight and I might also cover some "not so comfortable" subjects as well, but all my videos will be short and very helpful. Here is day 1...and let me know if there are any subjects you want me to cover!! I cant wait to work with you all!!! We can do this!!

Get Fit With Rebekah!!

I am so excited to invite you all to my "Get Fit With Rebekah" challenge group.

I am so excited to invite you all to my "Get Fit With Rebekah" challenge group.

Opening up enrollment for my next fitness and nutrition bootcamp starting March 31st! I am *so* excited for this group! We will focus on proper nutrition eating whole, nutrient dense foods; short, intense workouts that will guarantee results; and working on making this a LIFESTYLE change, not just a crazy quick fix. I only take a few new clients a month, so if you have been looking to get started, now is the time!

There is a financial investment required (to make sure you have all of the tools you need to seriously rock this), but there is a range of options, so I am sure we will find something to fit with YOUR budget and needs.
 
Lets get healthy inside and out together. I'm so excited to walk beside you as your coach.

 Find me on Facebook under Rebekah Bancroft.Find me on Facebook under Rebekah Bancroft.

Food addiction....How do I beat it?

Day four of the 21 day fix!

Real girls have grey hair....Right?

Day 3 of my new program and a little more about prepping food...

This new program is working out so well for me. Here is a video that is a little more in depth about how I prepare my food every day with the program Im on. Its super easy!!

Instagram

I absolutely love Instagram. Find me over there and follow me. Here is a picture of my Instagram so you can find me. 

@finding_my_skinny 

21 day fix day 1... A real moment.

 https://youtu.be/FRM6TSMO5uk

Practice makes progress!!

I read this quote this morning and had to share. We gain nothing if we are not consistent. Consistency takes practice. People ask me all the time how I lost so much weight on my own. One way I answer that is "consistency. " But I did notice, when I stopped being consistent with my daily workouts and my clean eating then I started loosing interest and I started falling Back into bad habits. Practice makes progress!! 

Meal prep for 21 day fix starting tomorrow...

Unboxing...

The 21 Day Fix Challenge...

If I could provide you with a 21 day workout that was just 30 minutes a day, with a meal plan that is very simple to follow, and uses a fool proof portion control system telling you exactly what to eat without starvation….a to top it off, you could loose 10 or more pounds in just three SHORT weeks, how serious would you be about trying it?

I have a test group starting in just three short weeks. Ive lost 133 pounds and I would LOVE to help you accomplish your weight loss goals.  I have a few spots left. Please message me here on this post or at the links in the video if you are interested in hearing more. I will get in touch with those who want more information. 

Check out my video below!!

This is very exciting....I cant wait to start helping others!!

New decisions...

P90X

I am so proud of myself. There is no way I could have done this workout before when I weighed so much. I threw in an ab ripper DVD after this one which is also part of the P90 X. This is definitely not a work out for the week. It really kicks my butt. 

Gone forever

I've definitely been very challenged lately. If I'm not careful, I definitely could let life circumstances get in the way of my weight loss, and I deathly feel like I have lately. 

I let my insecurities control me a lot of times. For some reason I feel like I can't move forward unless I know what's going to happen in the future. But the reality is nobody knows what's going to happen in their future and I'm trying to let that go and just live in the now. 

I have to remember where I've come from. I remember being as big as I was in the picture above. There was no way I could chase my kids if they were going to run into the street and hurt themselves. There was no way I could move my body faster than a walk.I could hardly bend over to shave my legs and my boobs were so big that I couldn't clap my hands in church.I remember laying down in bed and actually hurting to lay down. When I was in bed and I needed to turn from one side to the other it actually took my breath away.I couldn't fit in booths at restaurants. And I couldn't shop in the normal sized women's clothing section that stores. It was definitely a miserable life. 

It's really important to remember where we've come from, and it's equally important to set goals to be better in the future. 

I won't give up.

Weight loss can be a lonely journey.

I recorded this video last night on my way to the gym. I felt very lonely and on my own on this journey to get healthy. Sometimes it feels like everybody else in the world is having fun and I'm always restricted. Here's my thoughts on that check out my video.http://youtu.be/W8DngQ3Fhd0

A topic of conversation.

A topic I would love to discuss: since my weight came to a stand still for over a year, despite me exercising six days a week and eating clean foods 90% of the time, I started trying to change things up and investigate the reasons why my weight plateaued. 

What I discovered was that I needed to eat more and from what I was reading I needed to strength train, and as I read further I was told that cardio was the worst way to burn fat. Ok seriously, I burned 133 pounds of fat with ONLY cardio so why am I being told that cardio is the worst and most ineffective way to burn fat?? This makes no sense to me and actually enrages me that the firness community would discourage people from actually getting up off there butts and doing something, even if it's "ineffective" cardio. Most people just sit on the couch and eat. At least we are doing something and if you look at my history, I lost 133 pounds doing Zumba!! I'm just frustrated. Any thoughts?

Frustrated!!

I don't know why I torture myself. I should not have stepped on the scale today. 188 is 4 pounds up from the beginning of the year. I am doing everything I'm supposed to be doing. I even upped my calories because my workouts are so intense from 1300 to 1500 a day to 1700 to 1800 today. Everyone kept telling me to eat more. So I am and I gain. Ugh! I started P90X last week. I'm just going to keep marching on. I know consistency works. I just can't figure out why loosing 130 pounds was so much easier than loosing these last 35. I could just scream this morning. I usually have my once a week cheat meal tonight. I think I might skip it. #needencouragement

The best headbands ever review....

I discovered the best headbands. My hair is curly so I'm constantly looking for a headband that will actually stay on my head during workouts or just on a day I want my frizzes to be held back. Finally I found these headbands. I recorded a review on them below.  I used the code "mamalaughlin" to get 20% off.

Exercise induced vertigo??

My Monday workout and dizziness....

Skin Removal Surgery?

Meal planning and prepping food!

January 9th! Update!

The difference...