Sunday, July 26, 2015

Scale pic...

I started my weight loss journey at 319 pounds. All along the way I posted my "scale" pictures as the weight came off. I really slacked off the past year so I am going to start posting it again. My new scale measures body fat which I never kept track of before. It's pretty exciting.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Weekends

So I'm one night into the weekend. Last night was successful and I stayed completely on plan...but...I'm sitting here this afternoon and we are getting ready for a bbq with my dad and I am contemplating eating the dessert I am making and having a wine cooler. Decisions are hard. I wish I could eat other some things like desert and not over do it. I keep saying to myself "I have goals. " sigh!!

Update:made myself a cup of hot tea with some real creamer in it. The sweetness is helping me, for this moment anyway. 

So dang hard..

Normally on Friday nights I will have my cheat night. Usually it's lots of pizza and boneless wings and lots of alcohol. (I'm just being honest) I have talked about this before but my cheat nights would extend into the weekend and I noticed that I wasn't loosing weight and worst of all I was falling into a depression because I knew I wasn't making good choices. 

I am so excited to report that somehow I was able to not cheat at all last night. I went to Zumba, came home, at a chicken wrap, watched tv with my husband, and then went to bed. Sound birding? Yes it sure does but I think I've had enough fun over the years and if I want to reach my goals I have to do this. I have to make better choices. I prayed and told God that I couldn't do it without him. I need Him desperately. I can not do this on my own. 

Some people think I'm too obsessed. They say things like " you look great already, why do you have to get to 150 pounds" or I get "you have to have a cheat night to be successful" and the best one "as long as your exercising you can eat whatever you want. " I hear it all, but I know ultimatly I have to live with my decisions. I know how I feel about myself when I don't eat right or when I don't exercise. So as the great musician Michal Jackson sang "I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life. It's gonna feel real good I'm gonna make a difference I'm gonna make it right. " 

With that said, this is hard. It's hard to make decisions on your own knowing that someone else thinks your boring or doing it wrong. I feel very alone and kind of scared. In my heart I know I'm making the right decisions by not drinking and passing up the high sodium high fat "fun" foods, but it doesn't make it easier. This is such a lonely journey. But....

Here's to a better life. 

Friday, July 17, 2015

Nail polish

It's no secret that I am constantly looking for more ways to be healthy. One of those ways was trying to find a nail polish solution that worked for me. With regular store bought nail polishes my nails seem to crack and just flake. It's horrible. I tried jamberry nails, and I like them, but they are really hard to apply. I can only assume that the bad chemicals in nail polishes are the culprit for me. My girlfriend who I met in Zumba class actually makes non toxic polishes that do not contain any of these chemicals commonly found in store bought polishes (Tolyene-helps suspend the color and form a smooth finish across the nail. It also affects the central nervous system and can cause headaches dizziness and fatigue. It is also possibly linked to reproductive and developmental toxins. Impairs breathing, causes nausea, causes developmental damage to the fetus, and is linked to malignant lymphoma. Formaldehyde-found in some nail products such as nail hardener and is also known as the human carcinogen. It's used to embalm dead bodies. Camphor-exposure to this toxin can cause irritation, nausea, dizziness, and headaches. When ingested can be linked to seizures and in rare cases cause liver damage when applied to skin.) �� I do not want those things on my nails. Amy's polishes are mood changing polishes and change color from hot to cold. I LOVE them. I can't wait to buy all the colors. This one is blue/purple. One thing (among many) that I love about her polishes is they dry so dang fast. 

You can visit her Etsy store here: 

https://www.etsy.com/shop/AhHaNailLacquer?ref=hdr_shop_menu

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

The movies...

I really considered eating all the popcorn tonight at the movie theater, but I thought to myself "you have goals," and I brought my own snacks instead. It never gets easier, just more rewarding.


Still trying

I'm sitting here this morning watching "extreme weight loss. " I LOVE watching these kind of shows because they speak to my heart and I relate to them so much. Today's show is a woman about my age who weighed 349 pounds. She is quite a mess. She is sad and her self esteem is very very low. Wow! Sounds exactly like I used to be and sometimes still am. 
I cried for her while I was watching. My heart bleeds for people like this...for people like me. 
One thing about this show that makes me so sad is that these people actually reach there goals within a year or two. I have never been to my goal. I keep thinking "I need to crack the code. " 
I do feel like I am making better choices. If I can power through the weekends then I know I will loose weight. You just can't do good all week and then eat horrible on the weekends. It just doesn't work that way. My one weakness right now is peanut butter and honey on a slice of bread with a glass of milk. It seems like I cannot get through the day without eating that late at night. It has always been my go to snack. But it doesn't necessarily fit into my calorie for the day. It's these little things I would like to improve on. Someday, someday I will weigh 150 pounds.