Goals and wishes

I'm so sad lately about my weight loss, or should I say my non-weight loss. How did I loose my focus? I have been helping my husband with our home business but instead of it being a part time job, it has turned into a full time job and I have lost my excitement for the things I love. I just got so discouraged and stressed out. Now I'm sitting here on the couch, it's 5:44 in the morning and wondering what has changed? How did I let life get to me like that? I've been eating cookies for goodness sake. Uggg!! I don't have the answers. I wish I could unlock the key to success. I want to hit my goal weight so bad but I'm letting myself get in the way.
I suspended my gym membership. The kids are out of school and I just wasn't finding the time to go. Instead I was doing at home work outs but I have found that it's really boring after awhile and I miss the people at the gym, and I miss my cardio classes. I want my old schedule back. I really should stop belly aching and just go resubmit my membership. I'm so afraid of going backwards. I weigh 200 pounds again. Now I have 50 pounds to go to get to my goal. Sigh! That makes me sad.