Monday, August 8, 2016

Finding peace

 I received some very thoughtful comments after my last confusing blog post.  I thought in response to those I would just give a little update.  The last three years have been very hard on me.   I can't go into very much detail but it's been quite a journey for me to adjust too.  Don't get me wrong, I love my life right now but I have learned a lot about myself through the trials I have faced the last 3 1/2 years.  I have learned that I have a very addictive personality and I tend to run to very unhealthy habits when times get tough.  Fortunately, I am strong enough to know that I was going down an unhealthy path and I was able to stop myself from going there, but I had to stop and ask myself a question...Why do I keep falling into these traps?  I desperately want to be healthy inside and outside but I just couldn't seem to reach my goals so I had to do some soul-searching. In a search for some significance in this life I can honestly say that I'm finding my purpose. Each day I study...I read a lot...I eat fresh whole foods...I stay away from alcohol(which to be honest is hard for me since I tend to want to medicate when times get tough)...I exercise...and I pray. I believe practicing all these things each and every day has really helped me to focus on the things that matter in life instead of worrying about everyone around me or worrying about  my future and what's going to happen to me. Of course for me to accomplish all these things requires quite a long day for me. I wake up at five o'clock to fit it all in. I don't mind, although my husband thinks I'm crazy to give up sleep for reading. ) I have never required much sleep so it's not a huge sacrifice for me. I think the last time I slept in was before I had my first baby at nineteen. Crazy right? What's even crazier is that baby is now 20.

So, I guess I feel like in starting over on this blog. It's easy to get discouraged but I refuse to quit. My starting weight when I started writing here was 319. I lost 135 pounds but unfortunately I have gained back about 34 pounds in the last three years. Is that what marriage does to you? What am I doing now? Well, I am back in the gym. Today I did body pump. I am on a mostly plant and healthy starch diet. I am feeding my body and my soul some good food. I am just praying it all makes a difference.

And for the record, and since I've always tried to be homes here, here is a scale picture. My BMI is very high. I will be working to get that down. 

Tuesday, July 26, 2016


I never thought that the people closest to me would be the ones to judge me so badly. I never imagined that my journey to reach my goals would reach a screeching halt because of this. I never thought that anyone cared what I put in my mouth (healthy fruits and veggies and proteins) would cause such a disturbance in my family. I never thought I would have to fight so hard for happiness and peace. I can not wait to get to heaven.