Sunday, July 5, 2015

What do I want

I've definitely been on the road of self-discovery lately. I can be very confusing finding out what you really want in life. In many areas of my life I already have what I want, a good marriage, great kids, couldn't relationship with God. Somehow I am never satisfied with my weight loss goals. I don't feel like I'm finished, I want more. 
There are so many things I've done right. I've completely changed my way of living and as a result of lost 120 pounds. That's amazing! On the flipside of that I still weigh 200 pounds, and it's 50 pounds heavier than I should be. I've been in this place for two and a half years now. In those two and half years I have still for the most part eating healthy and exercised but I haven't fully committed to losing weight. Just recently in the past two weeks I've finally come to a place mentally where I am fully committed to losing this weight. That's begins the journey of trying to figure out how.

In those tuna half years of trying to figure out how I have tried many different options. None of these options seem to have worked for me. I did get down to 184 pounds, unfortunately I gained it all back and am now back up to 200 pounds. I realize that something is drastic has to change for me to reach my goals. 

This is not easy because I feel like I'm back at the beginning, when I weigh 319 pounds, and I was battling my self. I am most definitely back in the place. I don't know what's going to work for me, but I feel like I need to go back to the basics. I'm going to start blogging again, and I am currently researching the vegan lifestyle. I don't know exactly if it's what I want to do, but I'm living the life already about 50%. It's kind of thrilling to think about starting something new and hard. I can do really hard things so I am interested to see if I can do this. More to come...