Sunday, November 8, 2015

16 years and bad dreams

Today my first born son (Matthew) turns 16. He doesn't live with me so I won't get to spend the day with him but his dad will. It's makes me sad but I am also very happy he is doing well at his dad's. About a year ago I let him decide who he wanted to live with. After being with me for fifteen years he decided it would be fun to spend time with dad. I agreed with him. It was time. It sure doesn't make it easier on me. I miss him desperately. 

I'm up at five again this morning. My normal waking time is about six but with the time change I think my body is still being weird. For some reason I have consistently been having bad dreams. I don't even want to sleep anymore so that I can make the dreams stop. They usually involve scary things like my husband leaving or someone hurting my son Skyler because he won't behave. I'm so tired of it. I always wake up in a black cloud and spend the morning trying to shake it off. Sigh! 

Today is day four on my nutrition plan from my personal trainer. It's going well but I am going over my calories every single day. At night I'm eating two slices of bread with organic peanut butter and honey on it. If I could skip that evening snack then I would be closer to my calorie goals. My first "official" paid meeting with the PT is Tuesday so I will talk to him about it. In the meantime I'm not exercising. I feel a bit out of shape for not doing so but that will change soon. 

It hasn'tnt been easy this weekend. Normally I participate in all the eating and drinking and then live to regret but I have been able to say no to myself and just drink a cup of tea instead. I'm so proud. To be honest it felt really great to not have a hangover or to be bloated from too much pizza the night before. I'm happy!! 

I always have to remember that life is what you make of it. God put us here on earth to enjoy ourselves but also to be wise about it along the way. 

We went to the zoo yesterday as a family. We currently have our house for sale and we needed to be out for a house showing. Here is a picture i had taken
. I sure love him. ❤️❤️❤️ 

Also, to the lady who wanted to be my weight loss buddy, I tried to email you but it was returned. My email address is