These boots!

"These boots were made for walkin,"

"And thats just what Ill do."

"One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you."

"Are you ready boots?"
"Start walkin!"

SWEET!!

Oh how sweet it is to be in the 230's. Today is officially my 80 pound loss day. I am totally celebrating. I made it through the holidays without gaining an ounce...in fact I lost instead. I only have twenty pounds to my 100 pound loss goal. Ill really start seeing results now. My stomach still has a post pregnancy lump at the top. Yucky I know. I am VERY anxious to see that go away.

So as I said, I am celebrating. I was going to wait until I lost 100 to do this but I can wait no longer. Today I will go shopping for my cowgirl boots that I have been wanting for years. I think I deserve it. BOOT BARN here I come. I just have to wait until they open.

Pictures of my boots to come!!!!

240.4

Merry Christmas!

Body shots!!

Last night I spent the evening with my very favorite ex-sister-in-law/best friend, Carrie...her husband (who is my long lost brother) and their son (who is basically my nephew.) Isnt she the sweetest little Carrie you have ever seen? I love her!

I also thought I would document how I look right now. Please excuse my awkward poses. I look so weird. LOL I also wish someone would tell me how to dress because clearly, I am clueless. However; I am now in a size twenty jeans and I'm down to about a size 1-2x shirt. This is a far cry from where I started.

I'm digging the layered look. It allows me to wear shorter shirts yet still cover my big as a house butt.

All in all, my pictures still disappoint me but they are a good reminder of how far I have come...and how far I have to go.

Merry Christmas everyone!! I will be staying away from the goodies, and it will be so worth it in the end!!

Up Up Up

Im actually up two pounds. I think thats because I am addicted to weighing myself every day. I do know that my jeans are getting loose again so I am looking to downsize again soon. YIPPEE!! Last night my son turned five...I took three bites of cake...chewed them up...and spit them out. LOL I have a habit of doing that so that at least I get the sweet taste in my mouth but don't consume the calories. I'm so weird!!!!

Overall I am feeling very munchy lately and having a hard time staying out of snack foods like crackers and cookies. I can generally NOT eat them but my brain is playing tricks on me lately. I need to get my will power back. I'm not liking this stage. Its almost like my body has been deprived and its screaming for more...although I'm not starving myself. I think its a mental thing. Mind over matter is what I keep telling myself. Of course to combat it I chug the chocolate coffee. Not a great alternative but I REFUSE to gain all that weight back. It feels to good to be smaller.

Looking for the 230's

This feels good....really good. My waist is really curvy now. I still have the post baby belly in front (which I HATE) but I imagine after another twenty pounds it will be almost gone. My butt is still big but its starting to take shape again. Ill try to get some pictures....not of my butt (LOL) but of my body. I haven't done that in awhile. The 230's are right around the corner. I CANT WAIT!!!! So today I have officially lost 75 pounds.

Going down!!

I have a great friend at work who has lost more weight then I have. She generously gives me all her pant that she doesn't fit in anymore. I proudly hang them in my closet and try them on twice a week or so. The other day I thought I would try on a pair of twenty jeans and guess what? THEY FIT!!! Here is my current weight.

I don't have much of an appetite lately. The stress of my life has got me down so I'm afraid I'm not eating to healthy...actually I'm hardly eating at all so the weight is coming off fast. Soon I will feel a bit more motivated. For now...I'm feeling pretty good in my size twenty....not so small....but feeling good in...jeans.

240's Oh How I Love Thee!

Its been a long time since I have seen this number. Its barley in the forties but Ill take it (wink).

I have officially lost 69.2 pounds. That's half of one of my big kids, and more then my (almost) five year old son. Sometimes my almost five year old falls asleep downstairs and I have to carry him up the stairs. It almost to much for me to bare because he is so heavy. I imagine that all that weight and more was on my body and it is crazy to think about carrying myself up the stairs much less my son. I am making progress. It feels good. I'm hoping the rest of my life can go so smoothly.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Weigh in

I know I have not been on here much. Life has most certainly caught up with me.

Can I get a drum roll? My weight this morning was 251.8. CAN I GET A WITNESS!!!! WHOOP WHOOP!!

I am so close to the 240's that I can taste it.

The picture above is me and my son about a week ago (goofy looking picture). When I flip back to pictures back in May then I can FOR SURE see the difference in my face. It makes it worth it.

I am still wearing a size 22. I am able to put on a 20 but I absolutely cant sit down, much less breath so the 20 have been placed back in the closet for awhile.

Currently I am not using any weight loss products, and my exercise consists of my stationary bike or jut housework or going up and down stairs. I do supplement meals for protein shakes only when I don't have time to prepare a meal for myself. Its more out of convenience then weight loss although it really helps the weight loss.

I just cant wait to be skinnier. I'm tired of having tree trunks for legs and a hangy down belly. I'm proud of myself, but there is so much more to be accomplished. Slow and steady is my style I guess.

Weigh in and measurments

May 22nd

My buttocks/butt/posterior: 60.5 inches
My middle/waist: 49.5 inches
Upper arm/flap/wiggly thing: 17 inches
Wrist: 7 inches
Calf/huge muscle thing/I have HUGE legs, I always have: 22 inches
Bust/boob/breast: 50.5 inches

Today
Buttock/56
Waist/46
Wrist/7 in
Upper arm/15 in
Calves/18 in
Bust/48.5 in

My weigh in this morning is 253.0.

This still proves to be a LOT of work. LOL I think I'm making progress though. Believe it or not (cause I have a hard time seeing it) I am loosing on average about nine pounds a month. I think thats pretty healthy. What do you think?

To sum it all up. Since I had Tyrus I have lost 66 pounds and since May when I started this whole thing I have lost 46 pounds. I wish it was more. (sigh)

Still quite large...

Yes its true, I'm till quite large but.....I'm feeling a bit skinnier lately. When I look in the mirror I can actually see my waste starting to take shape and my stomach seems to be shrinking instead of "hanging."

My current weigh in...wait for it....wait for it....is 254.2. IM SO THRILLED!! I need to take some measurements but I don't feel like doing that this morning. I have officially been at this "loosing weight" thing now for six months. I think that is the longest I have been able to stick to something without giving up.

Friday was really difficult for me. I work at a daycare center so of course we had all kinds of fallish parties going on (cant call them Halloween parties). Of course the goodies were plentifully. I wanted to hog out so bad. I don't know why but it was just a bad day for temptation. I grabbed one cookie and ate it. (It was SOOOO good) I decided to go back and grab a cup cake and two more cookies and bring them back to my desk. I put one cookie in my mouth, chewed it up, and felt to guilty so I spit it out into the trash. I did that with the cupcake and second cookie as well. I know it sounds weird to chew up food like that and spit it out but it works for me because I can have the sweet taste in my mouth (which satisfies me) but I don't have to deal with the guilty calories it would give me.

Above is a recent picture of me and my oldest daughter (isn't she precious?) I need to take some more full body photos. I am still in a 22 but I have a feeling that after another five to ten pounds I will be able to fit into my 20's.

So that's my update.

Document!

Still a borring post, but I need to document.

257.6

My birthday fell on the 19th. I told everyone that I wouldn't eat cake. Instead we had strawberry shortcake with angel food cake. It was yummy. I still ended up eating to much for my birthday. I made my home made sloppy joes and had a regular hamburger bun with it. I didn't sweat it to much. I did cry the day before my birthday because I had anxiety about gaining weight. I was also going through some pretty stressful stuff with my kids so I think that added to my emotions. All in all, I would probably be down a few more pounds but I did let myself enjoy the food a little more then normal on my birthday. It could have been worse. I think at one point this month I was actually at 255.7 but clearly I am not now. Regardless, I am happy that I am still in the 250's and we will just go with that.

I hope to have a more interesting and fun blog posting soon. Maybe its time for some measurements and pictures.

BIG NEWS!! And other things...

Big things have been happening to my body. Among other things I have FINALLY reached the 150's. I haven't been here in a very long time. Here is some proof.

I started out at a size 26 and now I comfortably fit in a size 22 even after my jeans are taken out of the drier and all shrunken up. I know you know what I'm talking about. LOL
I also wanted to share a few other things I am doing different. I am ashamed to say that all the work out videos are just not working for me. I am not motivated to use them and besides making my cool dance videos for my blog or dancing for my kids to make them laugh...the videos are not getting used. Soooooo...

I want you all to meet MARCY. (displayed by my four year old Skyler)


Please ignore my dirty kitchen. Marcy and I met on Craigslist the other day. She said I could have her for forty dollars. I was so excited about starting an exercising relationship with her that I forked out the forty bucks and brought her home. For the last week and a half we have been getting along very well. Here are my stats after my morning work out today. I love her!!!!!

I have also discovered this....

I started using it about a week ago and since then the weight has been dropping off a little faster. I took a picture of it so that you could see all the ingredients. Its not the best tasting stuff but it also comes in pill form. I think its working. It also has grapefruit and cactus in it and I think both of those are fat burning foods. I am really liking the results. The only place I have been able to find it is at Walgreen's. They were giving samples out and so I took enough of those to try it out for a week. I liked it so much that I invested the twelve dollars and bought a bag. For me it has about the same effect as the Ali pills did. WIN WIN!!!!

And lastly. I always like songs that can "cross over," so to speak. I know that Michael Jackson was an Icon and that its a little cheesy to bring him up again but....I'm so stuck on this song. It talks about making changes in your life. What really speaks to me is the line that says "I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life. Gonna feel real good gonna make a difference, gonna make it right......(and lastly) I'm starting with the man in the mirror, I'm asking him to change his ways"

For me its so true that I have to start making changes inside myself before I can start helping other people make a difference in their lives. I really want to "pass it on." I'm making great strides in bettering myself and this song is just so inspiring to me, not to mention if you actually watch this video. It breaks my heart, and modivates me to want to do more for others. I hope you can be inspired today to. God bless!!!

260.8

The scale is moving down. I have lots to share but no time to share it. I just wanted to update my weight and check in. Im still trucking along.

Hi!!!

Chicken

This weekend I recorded a new video. It was decorated with me doing some new country line dance work out moves from a new video I bought. Its ready and sitting on my computer....but, after watching it back last night I decided that It was to embarrassing to post.

Can you believe that I would be to chicken to post a video? Especially after I made such a fool of myself doing the "thriller" here on line. (sigh)

Maybe Ill just think about it some more and post it tonight.

Making changes...

Thanks everyone for the suggestions on the Zumba. I am still looking for a cheap copy.



I'm still doing well. I actually had a few pound gain on the scale but I don't take that to seriously since I obsessively weigh myself every day. If I actually took all of your advice then I wouldn't weigh myself every day and I would feel more successful.


I do have good news. Although I had a gain on the scale, I had a loss in my pant size. When I first started this weight loss thing in May I was waring a size 26. I posted here on how excited I was to even put on a pair of jeans after not being able to ware jeans since I was about three months pregnant in 2009. (Can I get a drum roll?) This past weekend I was able to put on a size 22 jeans and yesterday I actually wore them to work and was comfortable. AHHHHH!!! I do realize that size 22 is still as big as a house but, or just to give myself some credit, as big as half a house.


It feels VERY good to actually feel good. Now don't get me wrong, I am still avoiding mirrors, and I DONT like it when I walk past a sliding glass door and see my reflection staring back at me. I might need therapy for people who cant stand to look at themselves. LOL Maybe I need to change my expectations on how I "think" I should look? I am expecting to look the way I did in high school and when I see myself now I am just so disappointed. Maybe I will never look like that again. Am I still beautiful at 34? I just feel like I didn't get to enjoy my youth. Pregnancy took my body at the young age of 18. Of course it was my choice to make the decisions I did, but its really ironic how the mistakes of my past are affecting me now in ways I could not have imagined.


OK, so Ive decided (just now) to start changing my way of thinking. I am not the person I was in high school and I probably wont look like that again. I will start TRYING to love ME for who I am today and stop living in the past.


If you look in my header above, the picture of me standing beside the fence post is me in high school. I think its time to take it down and fill that spot with something more recent. What do you say? Does this sound like a good plan?


Bye bye high school me (that's me in the middle). Time to find a new funky fun version of me that I can accept.

I have a fat mommy to!

This week was so so busy. My weight has not changed and I have not started my exercise yet. I REALLY want the videos by "Zumba" but I just don't have the money. They are more expensive then I thought they would be when I planned on buying them a few months ago. Oh well. As of a couple days ago I have officially been eating healthy and trying to "find my skinny" for four months. That's pretty darn good.

I have to share this with you. I think you all will get a kick out of it...and after I picked my self-esteem up off the floor I was able to laugh about it as well.

As you know I work in a day care. I'm around kids all day long. They range from infants to school agers. Today, and on a particularly beautiful pre-fall day, I was holding the door open for a long line of four year olds. They all looked so cute with their short legs and poofy hair and big eyeballs. They were all very excited to be going outside to play for the first time today.

So as I said, I was holding the door open for the kiddos and I felt some little hands pulling on my shirt. I looked down to see a cute little brown haired girl calling my name and trying to get my attention. I quickly gave her my attention and asked her what she wanted. She looked looked at me while still pulling on my shirt and said:

"I have a fat mommy to!"

My face immediately went red. I looked around and saw that there were a few teachers standing there listening. Nobody said a word. I tried to laugh it off by saying... (TO A FOUR YEAR OLD MIND YOU)"I've lost fifty five pounds OK?" Certainly not my shining moment for sure. After all, it was a four year old and she was probably proud of her fat mommy and that's why she was comparing me to her. I was still embarrassed.

Anyone want to donate some Zumba work out videos to a fat momma?

263.4

Life is so much more exciting when I'm actually loosing weight. I'm loving it.

I have decided that if I reach a point that I am not loosing weight again then I will have to do what I have avoided since May.......exercise. I don't want to and I don't like to but it will have to be that way.

This morning I tipped the scales at 36.5 pounds lost since May 2nd and 55.6 pounds lost since June last year. Again, just to put it into perspective for myself...that's 9.125 pounds lost per month since may. So even though I stopped loosing weight for weeks on end, my stats are still pretty good.

I think my blog posts have been pretty boring lately. I'm going to have to spice it up with some more videos. What do you think? What motivates you?

On the move again...

This is so amazing to see. That's a 3.4 pound weight loss. I think I might be over the hump. I don't know how I have survived the last month without giving up. It shows me that I'm not just doing this to loose weight, but there has truly been a lifestyle change in my eating.

What did I do to start loosing weight again? Hold on to your britches because this will blow you away.....

I ATE MORE. Not only did I eat more but more frequently. While I am at work I made sure to pack lots of snacks (cheese stick, cherry tomatoes, apples, carrots) and snack snack snack. Its strange because if I dont snack and only eat my meals then I dont feel hungry and I dont loose weight but if I snack in between meals I feel SOOOO hungry and Im loosing weight again. ~~~~~CRAZY~~~~~


Sorry about the socks again. I have some serious sock matching to do.

Focusing on the face...

Its a little weird taking so many pictures of myself but there is a method to my madness. Of course I want to be able to look back and see my changes.

Today i was taking these head shots....of myself....and noticed quite a change. Although my face is shiny and my lips are white (trying out new foundations), I can finally see my pointy chin and my jaw line again. I have felt like such a turtle (you know, big body, little head) for so long that its nice to see some definition. Seriously, if you don't see a difference, then scroll all the way up and look at my header. Oh my!!! I think I'm....

seeing my skinny a little more now.

Oh and all your comments and suggestions are really helping me through this period of not seeing the scale move. I did finally loose another three ounces. LOL Im also going to posting my measurments soon again.

How are you doing?

267.8

I feel like nothing is happening. Today I weighed in at 267.8. That's not much progress. So again, I digress to compare how much weight I'm loosing monthly to help me feel better.

So, almost exactly a month ago I weighed in at 272. That's only a 4.2 pound loss last month. Is that normal? I feel like it should be coming off quicker. I realize that its certainly better to be loosing instead of gaining. The other thing that might have given me a false expectation was that the first month and a half I was taking ALI pills. They make you loose weight 50% faster then regular dieting. That makes total since.

I believe I started this whole weight loss kick on May 2nd. My starting weight at that time was 299. So as of today that's a 31.2 pound weight loss in three and a half months. That's about 8.9 pounds lost each month.

Sigh!!

OK, I feel better now. That seems to make sense to me and gives me encouragement. My best friends doctor told her that loosing four pounds a month was healthy.

In BODY news!
-I am still waring a size 24, however depending on the pants, they are a little loose or REALLY loose and I'm forced to wash them after each ware hoping they will shrink. (22's here I come)

-I feel better about myself.

-My boobs have taken on a new shape and that scares me. I want them to deflate but I'm thinking I have ruined them forever by having five babies and gaining so much weight.

-A lady at work yesterday told me that if she had to guess my age she would guess "45." ARE YOU SERIOUS????? I'm only 34. I think she was delusional. I may be fat but I am not 45. Not that 45 is a bad age but goodness, nobody wants to age eleven years in one day. I actually want to experience all of my years....one year at a time.

That's it for now!!

As much as it pains me...

and it does pain me to do this, but If I don't then I wont stay accountable. Since I hit the fifty pounds loss mark last week I have been feeling pretty good about myself. In fact, I felt so good that I decided it was time to start putting myself out there...you know...date. Unfortunately I discovered that even though I feel like I am ready to date, my body isn't. The hard truth is that I am not much to look at....yet. When men see me they only see a fat lady, not what is inside. I'm not saying that to be harsh towards myself but the reality is that the first thing we look at is the outside. Now I know I am not an ugly person. I know I have a good heart and that I have a lot of love to give someone, but I don't have the whole package yet. Its been about two years since I dated, and it looks like now it will be longer unless God sends me a VERY patient and understanding man to go through this weight loss journey with me.

Ahem...(tapping foot) "God are you listening to this?"

So without further ado...here I am today before church looking as goofy as ever. In fact, I think this shirt may just be to big on me. Whats your take? I think it makes me look bigger...but I cant be sure.

And here is my and my sister two days ago. I'm on the left of course. Isn't she beautiful? I love my baby sister. So there you have it. I have once again documented my body. It makes me feel good. I hope those pants don't fit me for long.

Party food!

I got my nails done today. I thought about it and thought about it, and put it off and decided I wouldn't do it....and then decided I would do it, and then changed my mind again. Finally I threw all caution to the wind and went and got those really thick, fake looking nails on. LOL They may be fake but I feel pretty. (grin)

I went to my sisters surprise birthday party tonight. It was really fun. Everyone was to bring snacks so I brought some banana bread and chocolates and we added it to the smorgasbord of food that everyone brought. I managed to leave the party eating ten baked lays filled with a yummy salsa. The only bad part was the salsa had avocado pieces in it but apparently some avocado fat is good for me. YIPPEE!! I also ate two small hand fulls of peanuts and had two sips of lemonade. Over all, I don't think I did to bad. The banana bread and cake were SOOO tempting...but while everyone else ate cake I ate watermelon.

It was a great day!

Side note: I still have not lost weight!! Oh well!

Turtle!

I hate how slow weight loss is. I'm sure its my fault. I think I could be doing more to speed up the process. I'm still the same weight as before. Weird as it may sound I actually "feel" skinnier but I don't see the results on the scale. My jeans that were previously tight a couple weeks ago are not tight any more. So that's progress in itself.

I did have one of the day care kids ask me if I was going to have a baby. Nice hugh? LOL I just told her politely no and went on my way. She is only a child and is probably not used to seeing big ladies. But of course I asked someone when their baby was due a couple weeks ago and she politely told me that her baby was already a month old. OOPS!

I actually don't look pregnant right now. My boobs finally stick out farther then my belly. It wasn't to long ago that it was the opposite. I really really want to get the work out videos Zoomba. I went to an outdoor carnival type thing a few months ago and they were demonstrating it. WOW!! It looked so fun.

I have officially lost fifty pounds. The scale this morning flashed 269 and I started at 319 one year ago. Of course Ive only been real serious about loosing weight since May. So since May I have lost thirty pounds. That's just about ten pounds a month (a little less now) I have to put it into perspective like that since I feel this process is so slow. Maybe I need to get my dancing groove on and actually purchase that Zoomba. I love dancing but it has no purpose because nobody is teaching me or leading me. Maybe when I get paid next week Ill purchase it.

I would love to join a gym but it doesn't work with my schedule. I work four ten hour days and so that really puts a damper on that idea.

How is everyone else doing? Are you loosing more weight then me? I sure hope so because I'm like a turtle trying to win a race.

I love you guys. Thanks for the encouragement!!!!!

Im a wildfire!

FINALLY!!

Thats all I have to say!!

Im happy Im happy Im happy!!!!

Out with the old, in with the new!

I forgot to mention that most of these clothes are a size 4x in BIG ladies size. This is not the 4x you find at Walmart...this is big ladies 4x's. LOL I am anxious to see if I have at least gone down a size.

Setback...

I dont know what is going on. I have not lost any weight but gained instead. I could SCREAM!!

I have not been messing up. I wonder if its because of my portion size, but Im not going over my callories. There were a couple days I went about 200-300 over my calorie count but I cant see that being a big deal. I eat about 1400-1500 callories each day. Should I up that amount? Maybe my body needs a change.

A bloggy friend of mine just reached her 100 pound loss. CONGRATS Mommy2four. I hope to be where she is in a year.

So I have a set back. The good news is that I measured myself and I have lost a good inch and a half over all of my body. I know Im still going forward. I have not given up...but its very discouraging to see a gain instead of a loss for the first time.

My new job is of course a sitting down one. I am very careful not to eat the free snacks that are all around me. Instead I eat about a pint of cherry tomatoes each day...or I try to bring a veggie that I can just grab one at a time and pop them in my mouth. It makes you feel like your eating chips except it taste different. LOL

Im so impatient!!!

SIDE NOTE!

I just looked back on my blog and realized that I never posted when I got down to 272. The last time I posted it was 274. Just for the record...here is my 272.

DANCE!

273.8

My weight seems to yo yo up and down. The good news is I'm still on the loosing end. I never thought it would feel so good to be a "looser" of sorts. (grin)

The fourth of July did not detour my "skinny" goal. I did manage to eat health and even allowed myself two small handfuls of peanut M&M's as a small treat while watching fire works. I didn't even feel guilty about it because I had done so well.

This past Christmas we were showered with presents from Rebekah and Ben as well as their friends and family. My girls were gifted with these AMAZING pants,

however; they were to big for them so I immediately snatched them from my little girls hands and decided I wanted them. To my dismay I discovered that I was far from fitting into them so I stuck them in a drawer.

These pants have been on my mind for a long time. They might not look like much to you but I think they are adorable. My goal is to fit into them. They are from Old Navy and a size XL. I LOVE Old Navy sleep ware. They are so comfy and stylish to me, but I just don't fit in them yet.

So I will proudly display these amazing sleepy pants on my wall as inspiration. I tried them on this morning and they only fit half my butt. UG! I guess I need to loose half a butt to get into them. (sad face) I'm working on it.

IN OTHER NEWS!!

My boobs are shrinking. I know I know, not a great subject to talk about, but I'm going to do it anyway. I have noticed that my "new" bras are fitting weird. I'm sporting the "four boob" thing again. You know those women you see walking down the street that clearly have a bra that is two small on causing four boobs instead of one? Come on people, you know what I am talking about and I can joke about it because I have been one of them. Well it seems that my boobage has decreased causing them to not be as full and sort of spill out the front. How embarrassing. My boobs are going to be a work in progress for sure. Can anyone relate? Or am I in a class of "boob" all of my own?

Why do I do that?

Yesterday I did not feel well. I think all the stress Id been going through gave me a stomach ache. I tried everything to get my stomach to settle down but to no avail. Finally at dinner time I poured a big bowl of Life cereal in milk hoping it would settle my stomach. I ate about three bites and then threw it out because I couldn't get past the thought of all the carbs and fat going into my body. LOL Such a waste I know.

Later that night I woke up at about midnight and went to the kitchen. Skyler had a left over pop tart (which I consumed) and then I made myself a peanut butter and honey sandwich (which I consumed) and a glass of milk. GRRRRRR!! I have pretty much conquered my night eating habit but sometimes If I don't eat a good dinner I find myself eating at night.

I will not weigh myself today because for sure I will see the numbers go up instead of down. Today is a new day!! NO MORE NIGHT EATING!

Life circumstances.

If you read my other blog, you know that this last week was really hard for me. I explain here what happened.

I am determined not to let my life circumstances get in the way of my weight loss. I know things are going to be different from her on out but I cant let it stop me.

While I was at work it was so easy to eat right. I ate breakfast before I left and because I was not allowed to eat at my desk, and I didn't get brakes, I only would have water between breakfast and lunch and lunch and dinner. We didn't have coffee at work or snacks so it was only lunch and water for me. Easy as pie (although sometimes I wished I could have pie at work. I would get so hungry).

Now I am home. I have to be careful not to dig into the kitchen since it is so available to me now.

Here is my weight this morning. I am still making progress! Im not going to let life's circumstances stop me!

That makes a grand total of 45 pounds lost since this time last year, and 25 pounds lost since May.

Aspiring photographer!

Skyler and I went to the park today! I couldn't find anyone to take a picture of us...until a sweet little girl walked by and I thought she was a good candidate. After snapping a few pictures of her eye ball, I decided I needed to find someone older then five to take my picture. (It was quite funny to watch)

Soon sauntering by was a seven year old little boy, who snapped my picture like a pro. I would like to start taking more pictures of myself so that I can keep a picture log. No this is not fun for me...I look horrible in my eyes but I think the exposure is helping. So here is my picture, taken today by an aspiring photographer at the young age of....oh about seven years old.

And another one of my face. Can you see a difference from the pictures in my header? I think I look a little thinner in my face....I'm hopping. LOL

Someone asked me what I am doing to loose weight. I wanted to briefly answer that question. I don't feel like I can say that I am a success story yet but at about 24 pounds lost in one and a half months Ill tell you what I am doing.

I purchased the Mayo Clinic Diet book from Walmart. It was about 20 dollars but I was glad it wasn't cheap because that would mean that I would use it because I hate wasting money. I started reading it and LOVED it. It basically teaches you how to eat and the appropriate amounts to eat. Its a calorie counting based diet.

I also purchased a bottle of Ali. For the first month or so I used it and loved it; however, I don't use it much at all now. I don't have a need for it. My diet is very low fat and Ali blocks 25% fat, so I figure the little fat I do eat I probably need to keep for energy.

So there you have it...no secrets...no quick fix...this is hard...really hard work, but the payoff is going to be SOOOOO skinny (I mean) SWEET!

Making progress!

When I stepped on the scale this morning my whole world lit up. When you finally start to see some drastic results it makes it so worth it.

Looking back at the past 14 years of being overweight is overwhelming. Who plans to be fat for that long? I certainly didn't. Loosing weight was something I always long to do but in the back of my mind I knew I was going to have more babies so I was never very successful.

Here I am shortly after my son Skyler was born. Its such a sweet picture, but it clearly depicts how much weight I have gained over the years.



Before I had my first child I weighed 145 pounds. Never in my wildest dreams would I think that I would struggle with my weight for the next 14 years.

Here is another picture of me and my sister who consequently is on her own weight loss challenge here If you have time go send her some love!!
I remember NOT wanting my picture taken this day. When you are this heavy you have no desire to have yourself photographed.



Its good to look back and see how far you have come (or have not come in my case). But mostly to set a goal for whare you want to be.

Putting it in perspective...

Yesterday I was very disappointed in myself. I stepped on the scale and still saw the number 278. I thought that the weight should come off faster. Wasn't I doing everything I should? What am I doing wrong? This morning I stepped on the scale and saw the same number give or take a few ounces...well it was more like "give" a few ounces but probably because of the water I drank. I have been keeping a log of my weight loss in a little notebook. I keep it in my purse along with my "big" pictures of myself so that I can pull it out any time I need to. I calculated my weight loss in weeks and discovered this: Since Ty was born a year ago I have lost 41 pounds and since I started really trying to loose weight on May 2nd I have lost twenty. Today marks about seven weeks I have been actively dieting which calculates to about 2.85 pounds lost per week. When I saw those numbers I didn't feel to bad. I think about a two pound weight loss per week is healthy. What do you guys thing?

Yesterday was Fathers day! I was to go to my dads house and have a BBQ. I bought chips and cheese dip and fruit and a yummy chocolate peanut butter desert. In my head I said to myself on the way to my dads "Ive done so well, I'm going to eat whatever I want today." Something in my head told me I shouldn't but it was a true battle. Before I got there I pulled out the "big" pictures in my purse and looked at them. It was then that I realized that I couldn't eat whatever I wanted that day. So instead of pigging out on the chips and desert, I enjoyed watching my dad pig out on all his fathers day treats while I consumed my Texas cantaloupe I brought. I skipped desert and instead had a cup of coffee. Because I made those choices I allowed myself to have a baked potato with my steak. It felt really good to stay on plan.

I realized that if I am going to loose the last 128 pounds that I have to loose then I can not have those days ware I think I can eat whatever I want because I deserve it. Instead I will treat myself to tiny things like a baked potato or corn on the cob...or a cup of chocolate coffee. (yummy!)

I do need to get some more recent pictures of myself here on the blog and in my purse. It really is a big tool for me to be able to look at myself and not justify my bad eating habits. I am proud of myself but the truth is I am still very obese.

Twenty pounds has brought on some good changes for me. My feet have almost entirely stopped hurting. My "sexy jeans" are almost comfortable while sitting and I am waring them more and more, and my circulation in my legs is improving.

What a hard road this is.

Cookies, bra sizes, and sticking to it!

How is everyone doing? I hope you are still on track and if your not then you can start fresh today!! Remember each day is a new day. If you mess up...its not the end of the world. Make today your begening again!

Ive been on many diets in the past 13 years that I haven't been so skinny. Many times in those years of trying to loose weight I have noticed that there were "triggers" that would make me regress and gain weight back. I remember when I was married to Skyler's dad. I was doing so well. I had a treadmill and I was constantly using it and feeling really good. One day my husband brought me home a HUGE chocolate chip cookie (my weakness). He was being sweet and thought he was doing something nice for me but the truth was I didn't want to eat it and was trying to find the words to tell him just that. I said to him "Honey, thank you but I cant eat that." He just stared at me and responded with "Well your just no fun any more!" In another instance we were going out to eat and I ordered a salad with NO salad dressing because they didn't have any low calorie dressings. Again he looked at my food and said "Your no fun to eat with anymore." For some reason, his disappointment "triggered" me to want to please him and my weight loss stopped. I didn't feel strong enough to combat his mean comments so I stopped eating healthy and started eating in ways that would make him happy with me. My point is that there will be many more triggers in my life that will tempt me to stop trying to "find my skinny" but I have had to learn to recognize them so that I don't fall back into bad habits. Can you recognize your "triggers?"

Yesterday I went bra shopping. I was LONG overdue. When you have four kids you don't shop for yourself. The kids come first. I was down to one very yucky bra that made my boobs hang down to the floor. I am very big chested any way so to not have the support I needed was NOT helping matters.

I HATE shopping for bras. My current size is a 46DD. That is not an easy size to find. So here I am at Walmart, shopping for a bra. My four year old is a little out of control wanting to push the basket and pointing at bras saying "those are for boobs." (He has grown up with three women and no dad...go figure) I find a few bras that I think might fit and we head to the dressing room. Did I mention that I hate shopping for bras? When you are my size, the bras are not pretty. They have one basic function and that is to hold the girls up...but you certainly don't look sexy or feel sexy when you look in the mirror. (Oh Victoria Secret where art thou?) I didn't find any bras in a 46DD, only 44DD so I opted to purchase the extensions which turned out to be a life saver.

Being this big is not fun. I hate it. I can only look to what I will be when all the weight is gone. Here is my current weight this morning. I'm pretty proud of myself!! The picture turned out a little blurry. Sorry about that!


I still have not implemented exercise. I do try to make extra trips up and down my stairs at home. I found this wonderful web site that will calculate calories lost for certain activities. If I eat a desert (like the strawberry shortcake I had last weekend), then I like to do trips up and down the stairs and with this calculator I can sort of see how many calories I have burned.
http://stairway.hc-sc.gc.ca/calcalc.aro

This isn't easy. I am having a hard time eating enough calories during the day. When the evening comes I find that I have eaten way under what I should have and then its to late to eat. I don't want to starve myself. I want to be healthy more then I want to be skinny. Well......that's not all true, I RREEAALLYY want to be skinny and sometimes sacrificing the "healthy" part is so tempting. I'm using less and less Ali pills. I don't see the need when I am eating so well. My goal is to do this all on my own without any "helps." But its a slow process.

That's my update. How is everyone else doing? I love hearing from you!! Please let me know!

Mood booster!!

Just when you feel like you have been beaten down...God sends you a "mood booster!"

Today ladies and gentlemen (if any gentle men happen to be reading), I have reached my first MINI goal. Do you remember what it was? It was to see the scale read SOMETHING in the 270's. I'm here to announce (and show proof of) that I am officially in the 270's..

Here is what I weighed last week. Now you stop your laughing. I know I have two different socks on. I'm comfortable enough with myself to wear two different socks and blog about! (yes I know, I'm a nerd!!!! LOL)


And here I am today. I know I know, its only Four ounces below 280 but who's keeping track? And just for the record, my camera weighs a good eight ounces so it would show a lower number, but then how would I take these wonderful pictures of my feet? (sigh)


I can feel my skinny coming back!!!!! Pictures of ME coming soon!!

Control

A fancy post this will NOT be. I'm feeling like my life is just like a swinging pendulum except that both sides of the pendulum arn't that good. The only thing I can control is what I eat. That makes me feel good. I'm back down to what I was several days ago before the two pound gain. My problem now is that I think I'm a bit depressed and so I don't feel like eating anything. I know that's not good either.

I'm glad there is one thing I can control even if it is just weight loss.

Set back!

Two pounds up? What is that all about? I had one day this weekend that I ate two hot dogs on regular bread and a french toast thing but I was outside all day doing yard work so I thought I could make the bad eating slide.

This is going to take me so long. I really have to focus my mind on the fact that this could take a year or more. I knew that starting out but its really hitting me hard now. I know it could be water weight, but its very disheartening to see the scale go up instead of down.

I'm going to try and not be discouraged. I am going to find my strength in God and just keep doing my best.

The night before last I had a peanut butter and honey sandwich right before I went to bed. That could be the reason for the weight gain as well.

Darn you peanut butter!!!!!!!!

Amazing!!!

I have several wonderful ladies who are loosing weight right along with me. I love getting the texts and the comments from real life friends and bloggy friends telling me how much weight they have lost, or just encouraging me to keep on keeping on. YOU ALL ARE SO INSPIRING TO ME!!!!

It was a wonderful weekend. I'm now sitting even PRETTIER at 280 pounds even. I cant believe I'm actually doing this!!

You know what I cant wait to do? I cant wait to be able to bend over and not have my belly get in the way. I cant wait to run with my kids again, and put my shoes on without having to bend my body in ways that I normally wouldn't have to if I were skinny. I cant wait to get my old "boobs" back. LOL I cant believe I just said that but its true, its one of the hardest parts. I cant wait to be able to look at myself on the outside and feel good about it. Mostly, I cant wait to be able to set a good example for my kids about what it means to have good health.

And lastly, I cant wait to be HOT like this again. LOL No seriously, I must have been sixteen in this picture and THOUGHT I was hot. It makes me laugh!!




What are you looking forward to?

JEANS!!!

I have not worn a pair of jeans since I got pregnant with Tyrus. At about three months pregnant I couldn't put them on anymore and it was stretch pants from there.

TODAY!!! I put on a pair of jeans and could ZIP them up!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY DAY!!! I can now say that I am a size (almost) 24. Yes they are size 24 pants, and no I cant hardly sit down much less breath while sitting down, but I did get them zipped and am quite comfortable in my sexy jeans.....while standing. Whats that you say? Yes, I agree, size 24 is STILL the size of a house, but this house is in a pair of jeans now. LOL

You have to celebrate the small things ya know?

And for your viewing pleasure...although I don't think its quite pleasurable. Here is a picture of my not so skinny legs, in my big as a house jeans, that I am so very proud of.

I know, I'm a dork!!!

My face!

I just recorded a video to post on my other blog. After watching it a couple times I realized that my face is just so puffy. I don't even look like myself. Of course I look like the person everyone else knows, but when I look in the mirror, its not me. Other people look at me all day long and they are none the wiser at what I should look like. I should carry a mirror around and force myself to look into it every time I feel tempted to stray from my plan.

Sigh!

Do you avoid mirrors like I do? Unless I am putting makeup on or brushing my teeth, I try to avoid those things that show a reflection of someone I have become on the outside. I long for the day that I can look in the mirror and see that skinny face again.

Today went well. After calculating my calories I think I am just under 1400 for the day which is OK. I try to stay at or below 1400 (per the Mayo clinic diet.)

Its getting easier and easier to eat healthier. I do find that every week or two weeks I tend to eat something that wouldn't normally be my every day food...like enchiladas or pizza per say. (grin) I have learned not to beat myself up over it. It doesn't happen every day and its part of normal living to eat some fun foods. Life is not all about veggies and chicken, I'm convinced of that!!! As long as the pounds are still coming off.....im good!

Goals!

How is everyone doing? I'm doing pretty good. The other day I got up at around two in the morning and ate a peanut butter and honey sandwich. Night eating has always been one of my weaknesses. It would get so bad that I would almost be sleep walking as I went to the kitchen to eat. I would feel so yucky and fat in the morning. For the past six months or so I have had it under control but ever once in a while I end up eating something in the middle of the night again.

I was thinking I needed a mini goal. Having a smaller goal to motivate me would be very helpful. So here it is!!!!

I am sitting pretty at 283 right now. I'm really proud of myself but for the next two weeks my mini goal will be to see the scale show something in the 270's. I don't think that's to ambitious. My longer term goal is to see the scale hit in the 250's before the kids come home in August.

Whats your mini goal?

Pizza, headaches, and sunshine!

Today ends my six day weekend. I think over all Ive done pretty good. I find myself NOT wanting to blog when I don't have a good day of eating, so I am forcing myself to do this. (grin)

Yesterday I received a coupon in the mail for a FREE pizza. It was a gift to me for being a new resident in my neighborhood. I thought it would be fun for me and Skyler to order the pizza, and even more fun to eat it, because...you know....I deserved it. (yeah right!!) After much thought, I decided that I was GOING to eat pizza. We went and got the pizza, and I am sad to admit that I probably ate half the pizza (or more) throughout the day. Needless to say, by that evening I felt yucky. The pizza had to much sodium in it so I felt puffy and sluggish. There is a definite difference in how my body responds to good food and not so good food.

Today the effects of all that sodium caught up with my high blood pressure. On this beautiful sunny Memorial day...I was dealing with a headache, a BAD one. I spent most of my day chugging water and swallowing Ibuprofen. (sigh!) Lesson learned, and I don't want to do that again.

Today I am back in full swing. In fact I am only at about 1000 calories for the day and that's pushing it. I think a yummy snack is in order for me tonight.

MMMM Fajitas!

I finally tipped the scale this morning at 283.8. Its SOOOOO nice to see a different number for once. Here is my progress.

www.my-calorie-counter.com     The webs free Weight Loss Diary

Ive noticed that I have what I call "multiple personality" when It comes to eating and being hungry. (this is a joke by the way, but it feels true sometimes) When I am not hungry I have a very clear mind. My goals are clear and I don't have a problem. If I wait to long to eat something switches in my brain and I start hearing voices. LOL These little voices say to me "If you order a veggie pizza then you will be OK. or Just eat that donut on the table. You have been doing so good. You deserve it." These urges are very hard to control. I have to FORCE myself to go into the kitchen and eat something good. When my belly is full, the urges go away and my thinking becomes clear again. Serious, sometimes if feels like the oxygen is being sucked out of my brain and all semblance of self-control is thrown out the window. LOL This is really hard guys!!!!

Yesterday I just wanted something yummy to eat. I had my fill of healthy stuff and I wanted some REAL food. Can anyone relate to that feeling? I decided that I wanted Fajitas!!! Here is how I did it....the low fat way!!
Cut up a large onion and about two bell peppers and start sauteing them in the pan. You can use any bell peppers you like. I prefer the colored ones to the green ones because they are sweet. Cook them down until they look like the third picture. Use any seasoning you like. I used the great value brand fajita seasoning. I also sprinkled a little dry garlic in it.



Its just me so I cooked one piece of chicken in my George Forman. Here is what it looked like done. I just used some dry black pepper and garlic seasoning on it.



To build your Fajita, I used corn tortilla vs flour tortilla because I could have more for my calories and it is less carbs. I used light sour cream and for this I used reduced fat cheese. You can use fat free cheese if you want but I was going to use an Ali pill, so I used reduced fat.

Here is the finished product. You could use salsa on it. It was delish. If your looking for a mouth watering meal with probably half the fat, try this recipe!!

Oh and don't forget your water!!