Friday, June 18, 2010
How is everyone doing? I hope you are still on track and if your not then you can start fresh today!! Remember each day is a new day. If you mess up...its not the end of the world. Make today your begening again!
Ive been on many diets in the past 13 years that I haven't been so skinny. Many times in those years of trying to loose weight I have noticed that there were "triggers" that would make me regress and gain weight back. I remember when I was married to Skyler's dad. I was doing so well. I had a treadmill and I was constantly using it and feeling really good. One day my husband brought me home a HUGE chocolate chip cookie (my weakness). He was being sweet and thought he was doing something nice for me but the truth was I didn't want to eat it and was trying to find the words to tell him just that. I said to him "Honey, thank you but I cant eat that." He just stared at me and responded with "Well your just no fun any more!" In another instance we were going out to eat and I ordered a salad with NO salad dressing because they didn't have any low calorie dressings. Again he looked at my food and said "Your no fun to eat with anymore." For some reason, his disappointment "triggered" me to want to please him and my weight loss stopped. I didn't feel strong enough to combat his mean comments so I stopped eating healthy and started eating in ways that would make him happy with me. My point is that there will be many more triggers in my life that will tempt me to stop trying to "find my skinny" but I have had to learn to recognize them so that I don't fall back into bad habits. Can you recognize your "triggers?"
Yesterday I went bra shopping. I was LONG overdue. When you have four kids you don't shop for yourself. The kids come first. I was down to one very yucky bra that made my boobs hang down to the floor. I am very big chested any way so to not have the support I needed was NOT helping matters.
I HATE shopping for bras. My current size is a 46DD. That is not an easy size to find. So here I am at Walmart, shopping for a bra. My four year old is a little out of control wanting to push the basket and pointing at bras saying "those are for boobs." (He has grown up with three women and no dad...go figure) I find a few bras that I think might fit and we head to the dressing room. Did I mention that I hate shopping for bras? When you are my size, the bras are not pretty. They have one basic function and that is to hold the girls up...but you certainly don't look sexy or feel sexy when you look in the mirror. (Oh Victoria Secret where art thou?) I didn't find any bras in a 46DD, only 44DD so I opted to purchase the extensions which turned out to be a life saver.
Being this big is not fun. I hate it. I can only look to what I will be when all the weight is gone. Here is my current weight this morning. I'm pretty proud of myself!! The picture turned out a little blurry. Sorry about that!
I still have not implemented exercise. I do try to make extra trips up and down my stairs at home. I found this wonderful web site that will calculate calories lost for certain activities. If I eat a desert (like the strawberry shortcake I had last weekend), then I like to do trips up and down the stairs and with this calculator I can sort of see how many calories I have burned.
This isn't easy. I am having a hard time eating enough calories during the day. When the evening comes I find that I have eaten way under what I should have and then its to late to eat. I don't want to starve myself. I want to be healthy more then I want to be skinny. Well......that's not all true, I RREEAALLYY want to be skinny and sometimes sacrificing the "healthy" part is so tempting. I'm using less and less Ali pills. I don't see the need when I am eating so well. My goal is to do this all on my own without any "helps." But its a slow process.
That's my update. How is everyone else doing? I love hearing from you!! Please let me know!
at 6:03 AM