Aspiring photographer!

Skyler and I went to the park today! I couldn't find anyone to take a picture of us...until a sweet little girl walked by and I thought she was a good candidate. After snapping a few pictures of her eye ball, I decided I needed to find someone older then five to take my picture. (It was quite funny to watch)

Soon sauntering by was a seven year old little boy, who snapped my picture like a pro. I would like to start taking more pictures of myself so that I can keep a picture log. No this is not fun for me...I look horrible in my eyes but I think the exposure is helping. So here is my picture, taken today by an aspiring photographer at the young age of....oh about seven years old.

And another one of my face. Can you see a difference from the pictures in my header? I think I look a little thinner in my face....I'm hopping. LOL

Someone asked me what I am doing to loose weight. I wanted to briefly answer that question. I don't feel like I can say that I am a success story yet but at about 24 pounds lost in one and a half months Ill tell you what I am doing.

I purchased the Mayo Clinic Diet book from Walmart. It was about 20 dollars but I was glad it wasn't cheap because that would mean that I would use it because I hate wasting money. I started reading it and LOVED it. It basically teaches you how to eat and the appropriate amounts to eat. Its a calorie counting based diet.

I also purchased a bottle of Ali. For the first month or so I used it and loved it; however, I don't use it much at all now. I don't have a need for it. My diet is very low fat and Ali blocks 25% fat, so I figure the little fat I do eat I probably need to keep for energy.

So there you have it...no secrets...no quick fix...this is hard...really hard work, but the payoff is going to be SOOOOO skinny (I mean) SWEET!

Making progress!

When I stepped on the scale this morning my whole world lit up. When you finally start to see some drastic results it makes it so worth it.

Looking back at the past 14 years of being overweight is overwhelming. Who plans to be fat for that long? I certainly didn't. Loosing weight was something I always long to do but in the back of my mind I knew I was going to have more babies so I was never very successful.

Here I am shortly after my son Skyler was born. Its such a sweet picture, but it clearly depicts how much weight I have gained over the years.



Before I had my first child I weighed 145 pounds. Never in my wildest dreams would I think that I would struggle with my weight for the next 14 years.

Here is another picture of me and my sister who consequently is on her own weight loss challenge here If you have time go send her some love!!
I remember NOT wanting my picture taken this day. When you are this heavy you have no desire to have yourself photographed.



Its good to look back and see how far you have come (or have not come in my case). But mostly to set a goal for whare you want to be.

Putting it in perspective...

Yesterday I was very disappointed in myself. I stepped on the scale and still saw the number 278. I thought that the weight should come off faster. Wasn't I doing everything I should? What am I doing wrong? This morning I stepped on the scale and saw the same number give or take a few ounces...well it was more like "give" a few ounces but probably because of the water I drank. I have been keeping a log of my weight loss in a little notebook. I keep it in my purse along with my "big" pictures of myself so that I can pull it out any time I need to. I calculated my weight loss in weeks and discovered this: Since Ty was born a year ago I have lost 41 pounds and since I started really trying to loose weight on May 2nd I have lost twenty. Today marks about seven weeks I have been actively dieting which calculates to about 2.85 pounds lost per week. When I saw those numbers I didn't feel to bad. I think about a two pound weight loss per week is healthy. What do you guys thing?

Yesterday was Fathers day! I was to go to my dads house and have a BBQ. I bought chips and cheese dip and fruit and a yummy chocolate peanut butter desert. In my head I said to myself on the way to my dads "Ive done so well, I'm going to eat whatever I want today." Something in my head told me I shouldn't but it was a true battle. Before I got there I pulled out the "big" pictures in my purse and looked at them. It was then that I realized that I couldn't eat whatever I wanted that day. So instead of pigging out on the chips and desert, I enjoyed watching my dad pig out on all his fathers day treats while I consumed my Texas cantaloupe I brought. I skipped desert and instead had a cup of coffee. Because I made those choices I allowed myself to have a baked potato with my steak. It felt really good to stay on plan.

I realized that if I am going to loose the last 128 pounds that I have to loose then I can not have those days ware I think I can eat whatever I want because I deserve it. Instead I will treat myself to tiny things like a baked potato or corn on the cob...or a cup of chocolate coffee. (yummy!)

I do need to get some more recent pictures of myself here on the blog and in my purse. It really is a big tool for me to be able to look at myself and not justify my bad eating habits. I am proud of myself but the truth is I am still very obese.

Twenty pounds has brought on some good changes for me. My feet have almost entirely stopped hurting. My "sexy jeans" are almost comfortable while sitting and I am waring them more and more, and my circulation in my legs is improving.

What a hard road this is.

Cookies, bra sizes, and sticking to it!

How is everyone doing? I hope you are still on track and if your not then you can start fresh today!! Remember each day is a new day. If you mess up...its not the end of the world. Make today your begening again!

Ive been on many diets in the past 13 years that I haven't been so skinny. Many times in those years of trying to loose weight I have noticed that there were "triggers" that would make me regress and gain weight back. I remember when I was married to Skyler's dad. I was doing so well. I had a treadmill and I was constantly using it and feeling really good. One day my husband brought me home a HUGE chocolate chip cookie (my weakness). He was being sweet and thought he was doing something nice for me but the truth was I didn't want to eat it and was trying to find the words to tell him just that. I said to him "Honey, thank you but I cant eat that." He just stared at me and responded with "Well your just no fun any more!" In another instance we were going out to eat and I ordered a salad with NO salad dressing because they didn't have any low calorie dressings. Again he looked at my food and said "Your no fun to eat with anymore." For some reason, his disappointment "triggered" me to want to please him and my weight loss stopped. I didn't feel strong enough to combat his mean comments so I stopped eating healthy and started eating in ways that would make him happy with me. My point is that there will be many more triggers in my life that will tempt me to stop trying to "find my skinny" but I have had to learn to recognize them so that I don't fall back into bad habits. Can you recognize your "triggers?"

Yesterday I went bra shopping. I was LONG overdue. When you have four kids you don't shop for yourself. The kids come first. I was down to one very yucky bra that made my boobs hang down to the floor. I am very big chested any way so to not have the support I needed was NOT helping matters.

I HATE shopping for bras. My current size is a 46DD. That is not an easy size to find. So here I am at Walmart, shopping for a bra. My four year old is a little out of control wanting to push the basket and pointing at bras saying "those are for boobs." (He has grown up with three women and no dad...go figure) I find a few bras that I think might fit and we head to the dressing room. Did I mention that I hate shopping for bras? When you are my size, the bras are not pretty. They have one basic function and that is to hold the girls up...but you certainly don't look sexy or feel sexy when you look in the mirror. (Oh Victoria Secret where art thou?) I didn't find any bras in a 46DD, only 44DD so I opted to purchase the extensions which turned out to be a life saver.

Being this big is not fun. I hate it. I can only look to what I will be when all the weight is gone. Here is my current weight this morning. I'm pretty proud of myself!! The picture turned out a little blurry. Sorry about that!


I still have not implemented exercise. I do try to make extra trips up and down my stairs at home. I found this wonderful web site that will calculate calories lost for certain activities. If I eat a desert (like the strawberry shortcake I had last weekend), then I like to do trips up and down the stairs and with this calculator I can sort of see how many calories I have burned.
http://stairway.hc-sc.gc.ca/calcalc.aro

This isn't easy. I am having a hard time eating enough calories during the day. When the evening comes I find that I have eaten way under what I should have and then its to late to eat. I don't want to starve myself. I want to be healthy more then I want to be skinny. Well......that's not all true, I RREEAALLYY want to be skinny and sometimes sacrificing the "healthy" part is so tempting. I'm using less and less Ali pills. I don't see the need when I am eating so well. My goal is to do this all on my own without any "helps." But its a slow process.

That's my update. How is everyone else doing? I love hearing from you!! Please let me know!

Mood booster!!

Just when you feel like you have been beaten down...God sends you a "mood booster!"

Today ladies and gentlemen (if any gentle men happen to be reading), I have reached my first MINI goal. Do you remember what it was? It was to see the scale read SOMETHING in the 270's. I'm here to announce (and show proof of) that I am officially in the 270's..

Here is what I weighed last week. Now you stop your laughing. I know I have two different socks on. I'm comfortable enough with myself to wear two different socks and blog about! (yes I know, I'm a nerd!!!! LOL)


And here I am today. I know I know, its only Four ounces below 280 but who's keeping track? And just for the record, my camera weighs a good eight ounces so it would show a lower number, but then how would I take these wonderful pictures of my feet? (sigh)


I can feel my skinny coming back!!!!! Pictures of ME coming soon!!

Control

A fancy post this will NOT be. I'm feeling like my life is just like a swinging pendulum except that both sides of the pendulum arn't that good. The only thing I can control is what I eat. That makes me feel good. I'm back down to what I was several days ago before the two pound gain. My problem now is that I think I'm a bit depressed and so I don't feel like eating anything. I know that's not good either.

I'm glad there is one thing I can control even if it is just weight loss.

Set back!

Two pounds up? What is that all about? I had one day this weekend that I ate two hot dogs on regular bread and a french toast thing but I was outside all day doing yard work so I thought I could make the bad eating slide.

This is going to take me so long. I really have to focus my mind on the fact that this could take a year or more. I knew that starting out but its really hitting me hard now. I know it could be water weight, but its very disheartening to see the scale go up instead of down.

I'm going to try and not be discouraged. I am going to find my strength in God and just keep doing my best.

The night before last I had a peanut butter and honey sandwich right before I went to bed. That could be the reason for the weight gain as well.

Darn you peanut butter!!!!!!!!

Amazing!!!

I have several wonderful ladies who are loosing weight right along with me. I love getting the texts and the comments from real life friends and bloggy friends telling me how much weight they have lost, or just encouraging me to keep on keeping on. YOU ALL ARE SO INSPIRING TO ME!!!!

It was a wonderful weekend. I'm now sitting even PRETTIER at 280 pounds even. I cant believe I'm actually doing this!!

You know what I cant wait to do? I cant wait to be able to bend over and not have my belly get in the way. I cant wait to run with my kids again, and put my shoes on without having to bend my body in ways that I normally wouldn't have to if I were skinny. I cant wait to get my old "boobs" back. LOL I cant believe I just said that but its true, its one of the hardest parts. I cant wait to be able to look at myself on the outside and feel good about it. Mostly, I cant wait to be able to set a good example for my kids about what it means to have good health.

And lastly, I cant wait to be HOT like this again. LOL No seriously, I must have been sixteen in this picture and THOUGHT I was hot. It makes me laugh!!




What are you looking forward to?

JEANS!!!

I have not worn a pair of jeans since I got pregnant with Tyrus. At about three months pregnant I couldn't put them on anymore and it was stretch pants from there.

TODAY!!! I put on a pair of jeans and could ZIP them up!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY DAY!!! I can now say that I am a size (almost) 24. Yes they are size 24 pants, and no I cant hardly sit down much less breath while sitting down, but I did get them zipped and am quite comfortable in my sexy jeans.....while standing. Whats that you say? Yes, I agree, size 24 is STILL the size of a house, but this house is in a pair of jeans now. LOL

You have to celebrate the small things ya know?

And for your viewing pleasure...although I don't think its quite pleasurable. Here is a picture of my not so skinny legs, in my big as a house jeans, that I am so very proud of.

I know, I'm a dork!!!

My face!

I just recorded a video to post on my other blog. After watching it a couple times I realized that my face is just so puffy. I don't even look like myself. Of course I look like the person everyone else knows, but when I look in the mirror, its not me. Other people look at me all day long and they are none the wiser at what I should look like. I should carry a mirror around and force myself to look into it every time I feel tempted to stray from my plan.

Sigh!

Do you avoid mirrors like I do? Unless I am putting makeup on or brushing my teeth, I try to avoid those things that show a reflection of someone I have become on the outside. I long for the day that I can look in the mirror and see that skinny face again.

Today went well. After calculating my calories I think I am just under 1400 for the day which is OK. I try to stay at or below 1400 (per the Mayo clinic diet.)

Its getting easier and easier to eat healthier. I do find that every week or two weeks I tend to eat something that wouldn't normally be my every day food...like enchiladas or pizza per say. (grin) I have learned not to beat myself up over it. It doesn't happen every day and its part of normal living to eat some fun foods. Life is not all about veggies and chicken, I'm convinced of that!!! As long as the pounds are still coming off.....im good!

Goals!

How is everyone doing? I'm doing pretty good. The other day I got up at around two in the morning and ate a peanut butter and honey sandwich. Night eating has always been one of my weaknesses. It would get so bad that I would almost be sleep walking as I went to the kitchen to eat. I would feel so yucky and fat in the morning. For the past six months or so I have had it under control but ever once in a while I end up eating something in the middle of the night again.

I was thinking I needed a mini goal. Having a smaller goal to motivate me would be very helpful. So here it is!!!!

I am sitting pretty at 283 right now. I'm really proud of myself but for the next two weeks my mini goal will be to see the scale show something in the 270's. I don't think that's to ambitious. My longer term goal is to see the scale hit in the 250's before the kids come home in August.

Whats your mini goal?