Saturday, June 9, 2018

Brightlineeating Day 1 with life catch up

I started this blog in 2010 when I weighed 319 pounds. I had just given birth to my 5th child whom I relinquished to adoption a few months earlier.  At 319 pounds I realized that my life had spiraled out of control and I needed to find a way to get it back in control. I didn't know how I was going to do it but I knew I was going to do it no matter what. Fast forward two years and I was down 135 pounds and about 35 pounds from my goal weight. 

Today is 2018 and I have still not reached my goal weight.  The reality of this makes me extremely sad. I see lots of people around me that are living in maintenance land and I'm looking at myself saying "why can't you just do this one thing?"

My life is changed drastically in the last 5 and a 1/2 years. After I gave my son up for adoption I knew I would never have more children. But I guess that was my plan not Gods because with my new husband came 3 beautiful stepchildren. 

It has not been an easy 5 years for me. I have struggled with over eating and a little bit of alcholohism (blogs are about being honest right?) Yes its true, I turned to drinking. Drinking put about 50 pounds on my body putting me even further from my weight loss goal. Sigh!

You might ask....why do you want so desperatly to achieve this number? It's a good question for sure. It's not about being skinny, which is ironic that I named my blog "finding my skinny," but I don't want to achieve skinny.  Before I became pregnant at 18 years old and entered a very abusive relationship I weighed 135 pounds. To me  135 pounds represents the time before I became damaged and broken.  Now my goal weight is not a 135 pounds, because I don't feel that is realistic, so I have set it at 150. 
For me, losing all this fat is like saying goodbye to the pain and suffering of the past. 

In November of 2016 I made a trip to Michigan to visit my birthstone and his beautiful family. I weighed in at about 235 and the pictures show it  I do not feel good or look good at 235. I decided that when I got home I was going to make a change....again. sigh! So I did. I joined weight watchers and lost 48 pounds in 2017....and then in 2018 weight watchers changed there plan and I stopped losing weight. This could have been my me rephrase was my fault. You see...I like to make my own rules. I tip to around the true issues and do what feels "COMFORTABLE" to me. What did that look like? Well I had successfully given up my alchohol (best decision Ever) but I wasn't willing to give up my Friday cheat day. I would completely go off the weight watchers plan on Friday and basically gorge myself to the point of being sick again and then white  Knuckle It through the rest of the week, All the while day dreaming about all the food I was gonna eat on Friday, and then when Friday came around gorge myself again. No wonder I wasn't losing weight. (Deep breaths) 

So here I sit. Its Saturday morning. I weigh in at 191.4 and I've been pretty miserable with this way of living soooo.....I'm trying something new....again and today is my first day. I am going to try my best to blog every day for the first two weeks at least. I did so well when I was accountable here. 

So what is it? What's the new plan you might ask? Good question.  With this new plan there will be no cheat days. It's called "brightlineeating" and there are basically four bright lines I will not cross. There is much science behind this but I will go into that later. My four bright lines are:
1. No sugar
2. No flour
3. Three meals a day no snacks
4. Quantities-measure your food 

This takes the guess work out for me. I have taken my measurements and my before pics. I will post them below and my first breakfast. I feel very positive about this and excited.  I'm tired of feeling so bad about myself. So day I come. 

Bust: 38.5 inches
Buttox: 47.0
Waistline: 38.5
Thighs: 29.5
Calves: 18.5
Arms in the air(extra skin hiding)15.0