Monday, May 31, 2010

Pizza, headaches, and sunshine!

Today ends my six day weekend. I think over all Ive done pretty good. I find myself NOT wanting to blog when I don't have a good day of eating, so I am forcing myself to do this. (grin)

Yesterday I received a coupon in the mail for a FREE pizza. It was a gift to me for being a new resident in my neighborhood. I thought it would be fun for me and Skyler to order the pizza, and even more fun to eat it, know....I deserved it. (yeah right!!) After much thought, I decided that I was GOING to eat pizza. We went and got the pizza, and I am sad to admit that I probably ate half the pizza (or more) throughout the day. Needless to say, by that evening I felt yucky. The pizza had to much sodium in it so I felt puffy and sluggish. There is a definite difference in how my body responds to good food and not so good food.

Today the effects of all that sodium caught up with my high blood pressure. On this beautiful sunny Memorial day...I was dealing with a headache, a BAD one. I spent most of my day chugging water and swallowing Ibuprofen. (sigh!) Lesson learned, and I don't want to do that again.

Today I am back in full swing. In fact I am only at about 1000 calories for the day and that's pushing it. I think a yummy snack is in order for me tonight.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

MMMM Fajitas!

I finally tipped the scale this morning at 283.8. Its SOOOOO nice to see a different number for once. Here is my progress.     The webs free Weight Loss Diary

Ive noticed that I have what I call "multiple personality" when It comes to eating and being hungry. (this is a joke by the way, but it feels true sometimes) When I am not hungry I have a very clear mind. My goals are clear and I don't have a problem. If I wait to long to eat something switches in my brain and I start hearing voices. LOL These little voices say to me "If you order a veggie pizza then you will be OK. or Just eat that donut on the table. You have been doing so good. You deserve it." These urges are very hard to control. I have to FORCE myself to go into the kitchen and eat something good. When my belly is full, the urges go away and my thinking becomes clear again. Serious, sometimes if feels like the oxygen is being sucked out of my brain and all semblance of self-control is thrown out the window. LOL This is really hard guys!!!!

Yesterday I just wanted something yummy to eat. I had my fill of healthy stuff and I wanted some REAL food. Can anyone relate to that feeling? I decided that I wanted Fajitas!!! Here is how I did it....the low fat way!!
Cut up a large onion and about two bell peppers and start sauteing them in the pan. You can use any bell peppers you like. I prefer the colored ones to the green ones because they are sweet. Cook them down until they look like the third picture. Use any seasoning you like. I used the great value brand fajita seasoning. I also sprinkled a little dry garlic in it.

Its just me so I cooked one piece of chicken in my George Forman. Here is what it looked like done. I just used some dry black pepper and garlic seasoning on it.

To build your Fajita, I used corn tortilla vs flour tortilla because I could have more for my calories and it is less carbs. I used light sour cream and for this I used reduced fat cheese. You can use fat free cheese if you want but I was going to use an Ali pill, so I used reduced fat.

Here is the finished product. You could use salsa on it. It was delish. If your looking for a mouth watering meal with probably half the fat, try this recipe!!

Oh and don't forget your water!!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Eating update!

A true test of will power is when company comes into town and all the yummy food is spread out because whats one of the most fun things to do when a bunch of family is around? That's right.....EAT!!

I was doing so good. I was watching my calorie intake. I still have not incorporated exercise but my eating habits were good. They were good until family came that is. Last night we had fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and (drum roll please) strawberry cheesecake. Now I didn't do that bad but I was disappointed in myself none the less. I took my Alli pill, ate two pieces of fried chicken and about a half cup of mashed potatoes and gravy, then sat back and watched everyone dig into the cheesecake.

I was doing good, I was thinking clearly until that dang cheesecake started talking to me. I didn't even know it could talk until it said "EAT ME!" I lost all sense of self control and dug my fork in and took a large bite. My best friend looked at me and said "would you like me to cut you a piece?" I knew I was in trouble so I got up and walked away from the table and told her no thank you.

I long for the day that I can have that piece of cheesecake and have it be OK but I am not there yet. If I ate the one piece then it would have given me permission to eat two pieces. I am still learning about moderation and when to say no, so until I do, the cheesecake is out. (can I cry now?)

Does anyone else get sad that they cant eat like everyone else? I actually feel sorry for myself because I cant enjoy food the way I used to. I keep telling myself that food is still enjoyable but just in smaller portions. Its hard to retrain my brain.

How is everyone else doing?

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Whats going on?

The scale is NOT moving. I'm feeling very defeated this morning. I'm not doing anything wrong. Last night at about nine o'clock I had a peanut butter and honey sandwich, but everything was measured, and it fell easily into my daily calorie count without going over. Yes it was probably to late in the day to eat but I don't think it was that bad. I also had a Sonic grilled chicken wrap yesterday and a bag of whole wheat sun chips but I counted all the calories. Even after the Sonic wrap I was still sitting at 1100 calories for the day so that is why I ate the sandwich. Not a GREAT choice but I hardly think it would be responsible for a zero weight loss on the scale.

Do you all think that my body is just freaking out on me because Ive changed my diet so drastically? Maybe its in that starvation mode right now and is holding on to everything.

So, in order not to sabotage myself I'm going to have to set a few rules. First of all, I'm going to stop weighing myself every day. Its just getting to hard to be let down every morning. Second, I'm going to not eat after seven o'clock at night no matter what. Third, I'm going to write down my measurements. I'm still debating on posting them here. It does make me more accountable and its no secret how big I am.

(ten minutes later)

After doing my measurements it is clear that I am BIG BIG BIG!! Here are my measurements. Ive decided that I could care less who knows. They are just numbers and do not define who I am inside. I'm doing smashingly well on this "Mayo Clinic" diet and I am proud of myself. However; Ill be more proud of myself when I'm not as big as a house. (grin)

My buttocks/butt/posterior: 60.5 inches
My middle/waist: 49.5 inches
Upper arm/flap/wiggly thing: 17 inches
Wrist: 7 inches
Calf/huge muscle thing/I have HUGE legs, I always have: 22 inches
Bust/boob/breast: 50.5 inches

Have I mentioned that I used to look like this?

Yes I know it was a LLLOOOONNNGGG time ago and I should let it go, but I cant seem to do that. I don't think its unreasonable for me to think that I can look that small again.


How is everyone else doing? Are you staying on plan? Do you get discouraged? Are you drinking your water and watching your sugar intake? This is hard you guys. Ive never felt so defeated and disappointed in myself before. I am proud that I have come this far. If I can do it you can do it, and that's the truth.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

More then ever!

Weigh in today 286.4. Will that scale ever move? Argh!

Last night my oldest daughter had her 8th grade choir concert. She did wonderful, I did not! They had regular fold up metal chairs all lined up in a row. The problem was....well to put it buttly I mean
bluntly....the problem was that my BUTT wouldn't fit very well in the chairs.

I was so frustrated. I was so uncomfortable. I had to sit on the edge of the chair or my BUTT would spill out the sides and back. How humiliating! This happens to me all the time but for some reason last night I was just FED UP WITH IT!! Many things happened yesterday that wouldn't normally happen if I were already at my "skinny" weight. I'm so desperate to get the weight off that I sometimes want to skip a meal to make it go "FASTER." I don't skip meals though. My whole purpose is to get healthy and loose weight, not just loose weight.

So I'm desperate for this to happen faster. I know I'm being impatient but I want to do more then just eat right. I'm thinking a gym membership is in my future.

How is everyone else doing?

Monday, May 17, 2010

Banana or Cheerios delema!

I'm standing in the kitchen tonight, feeling hungry, not wanting to grab that banana or those baby bell peppers. Instead I see the honey nut Cheerios, which were not intended for me to eat but for the children. My sensible mind tells me that I should grab the banana but my naughty mind tells me that I should have some honey nut cheerios. ARGH! Its such a mental game. My stomach doesn't know the difference between a banana or the cheerios. Eating one or the other would satisfy a growling tummy, but my mind would not be satisfied with the banana. So instead of grabbing the banana, I pour two handfuls of the cereal in my hand and eat it while standing in the kitchen. I'm thinking "I shouldn't be doing this but it tastes so good and it makes me feel so good. Stop now and it wont be to late. Stop it Stop IT STOP IT!" At about the third stop it and the third mouth full of cheerios I run to the garbage and spit them out half chewed up. Sigh!

You might say to me, "Its OK to have a little bit of the cheerios." But the truth is I had not done a very good of a job balancing my nutrition with the FOOT LONG sub I at at Subway today. The sub wasn't bad but the bread was. So because I ate all that sub, eating cheerios was not a wise decision.

I'm not giving up. I'm still trying. But its really really hard!


LETS LAUNCH THIS THING!! Ive sorta been waiting for my new blog design but I just cant stand it. I want to get started!

As many of you know I have another blog here. But I wanted to start this blog to document my weight loss journey. My purpose for this blog is not to have a sweet and cute weight loss blog where I am scared to show pictures of me FAT or share my real weight. No, this blog is to hopefully offer support to anyone and everyone who struggles with a weight problem.

The truth is I have not been honest with myself. I have not always been overweight. I have always been the "skinny" one, so for me to admit that I have a problem is hard. But two weeks ago when I weighed in at nearly three hundred pounds and my feet hurt walking up my stairs, I had had enough. I'm tired of talking about loosing weight and I'm tired of loosing fifty pounds and then putting on 100.

I started this blog to help other people, but the truth is, I need the support myself as well. I KNOW there are a lot of you out there that could go on this journey with me. Even if you are not overweight you could probably use to get healthy right?

Whats my game plan? I am currently on the "May Clinic" diet. I will go into more detail on that later. I am also taking the "Alli" pill. I know that my insurance would probably cover the lap band surgery but for me that just wont work. I know I can do this. Can you do this with me? Are you excited? I am SOOO excited.

So I will go into what the Mayo Clinic diet is and what the Alli pill does later but I wanted to get my game plan down here. I wanted to touch base with all of you and I wanted to GET THIS PARTY STARTED!

Now I will be posting regularly here as well as my OTHER blog. I will be posting my REAL stats as well as very ugly fat pictures. I want my skinny back and I'm going to get it.

So here's to eating more veggies and fruits then we ever thought we could eat. Heres to "finding our skinny!"

My new blog design is currently in the works but for now here is my little weight loss bar. Be back soon!!!!!     The webs free Diet Diary

Friday, May 14, 2010

Almost there!

I'm getting braver. I am almost ready to start posting here, detailing all the embarrassing parts of being over weight. I'm almost there! I will say that I am eleven pounds down in less then two weeks!!!! The picture above is my inspiration for today. I give myself all permission to post as many "skinny" pictures of myself as I want. It helps me. (wink)