Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Making changes...

Thanks everyone for the suggestions on the Zumba. I am still looking for a cheap copy.

I'm still doing well. I actually had a few pound gain on the scale but I don't take that to seriously since I obsessively weigh myself every day. If I actually took all of your advice then I wouldn't weigh myself every day and I would feel more successful.

I do have good news. Although I had a gain on the scale, I had a loss in my pant size. When I first started this weight loss thing in May I was waring a size 26. I posted here on how excited I was to even put on a pair of jeans after not being able to ware jeans since I was about three months pregnant in 2009. (Can I get a drum roll?) This past weekend I was able to put on a size 22 jeans and yesterday I actually wore them to work and was comfortable. AHHHHH!!! I do realize that size 22 is still as big as a house but, or just to give myself some credit, as big as half a house.

It feels VERY good to actually feel good. Now don't get me wrong, I am still avoiding mirrors, and I DONT like it when I walk past a sliding glass door and see my reflection staring back at me. I might need therapy for people who cant stand to look at themselves. LOL Maybe I need to change my expectations on how I "think" I should look? I am expecting to look the way I did in high school and when I see myself now I am just so disappointed. Maybe I will never look like that again. Am I still beautiful at 34? I just feel like I didn't get to enjoy my youth. Pregnancy took my body at the young age of 18. Of course it was my choice to make the decisions I did, but its really ironic how the mistakes of my past are affecting me now in ways I could not have imagined.

OK, so Ive decided (just now) to start changing my way of thinking. I am not the person I was in high school and I probably wont look like that again. I will start TRYING to love ME for who I am today and stop living in the past.

If you look in my header above, the picture of me standing beside the fence post is me in high school. I think its time to take it down and fill that spot with something more recent. What do you say? Does this sound like a good plan?

Bye bye high school me (that's me in the middle). Time to find a new funky fun version of me that I can accept.


Unknown said...

I say start loving who you are today. You are beautiful today, too!

Melrose said...

Actually the weighing yourself every day thing is good...even when you see gains sometimes, it helps to know your own body's ups and downs and when you weigh every single day you are way more aware. A two lb gain could be because you havent pooped in a day (lol) or because you drank a diet coke (caramel color causes water retention-my dad lost 10lbs in one week from quitting diet (all) soda)

As for the highschool thing, I's good to have good goals and who knows, maybe one day you WILL be that weight again, but even though I'm the same weight I was (actually lighter!) when I graduated highschool after 3 babies, I am NOT the same size...darn hips :) So congrats on the new you!