Sadness

Today is not a good day. I feel like I have lost so much. I am on the verge of crying all through the day. I miss my daughter Victoria. I feel like I have lost her forever. My sadness runs so deep today!! 

Frustrated

I updates my Iphone with the new IOS7 and now I can't upload videos to YouTube. I'm hoping I figure it out. 😒

Day three

It's been a long day. I have lots to talk about but I'm just worn out. My only mistake is that I was supposed to eat chicken and broccoli for dinner and instead I ate salad with taco meat spread over it. 

I do have a question if someone can help me. My diet said I could eat all the free veggies I wanted so I've been eating my favorite....grape tomatoes. Since I am supposed to be avoiding sugar and tomatoes are really a fruit, should I be eating them?? 

Day two

It's late and it's been a hard day. I was going to type an update but I think I have a headache from NO carbs. Haha!! I did a video instead. It's actually two videos because the first one cut off.

http://youtu.be/weZO46j42Cc

http://youtu.be/FvwcFvt5NOY

Day One

This is day one of my dietbet with Jullian Michaels. Im so excited. Ill be blogging every day. The challenge lasts 28 days. Tune in to see how I do. 

You can find the challenge at www.dietbet.com. I am hoping this is the thing that gets me to my goal.

Jillian Michael dietbet challenge

Here I am just before I decided to do dead lifts....THE WRONG WAY and hurt my back. I didn't just hurt it, I made it so that I could barely walk for three days. I'm three days out from my injury and I'm just today able to do some house work. 

It scared me because I actually broke my back at six years old an had to wear a cast for a year, but after much prayer and down time I am recovering. 

I'm so excited to tell you about my new challenge. I've never done anything involving money and weight loss before. I found this challenge and decided to try it. The challenge is to loose 4% of your body weight in four weeks. The bet is thirty bucks and if you reach your goal then you are guaranteed your thirty dollars back and some of the pot. Now the pot in this challenge is now above 31,000 dollars. I have no idea if ill make any money but I know I'll get my thirty dollars back. It sounds fun and I'm up do a challenge. I need. Little competition. 

Anyone can join. I'd love to have friends come with me on this. 

You can find the details here  http://diet.bt/1ejpjFX. It officially starts next Tuesday!!! I'm so excited! 

Sent from my iPhone

The burn

I'm starting to get used to the burn. I'm in the middle of my fifth work out this week. I'm incredibly proud of myself. My only regret is a piece of banana bread last night. Hoping it won't matter.

 

Not a good number!!

This was not the number I wanted to see when I went to the doctor just three short weeks ago. When I got married in February I weighed 188. Shocked….disappointed….sad!!! I remember when I had my “aha” moment over three years ago when
I saw the number 319 on the scale and decided enough was enough. This was that moment….again!!!

How does a person go backwards when they have worked so hard to get where they are at? I was determined to find out what was going wrong. How have things changed? What am I doing different?

For me gaining weight back is like slowly dying. I didn’t like who I was over three  years ago and I don’t like seeing that number above.  Time to reevaluate.  Im stronger then that.

After lots of thought and many conversations with my husband I think I was able to pin point the changes that had taken place. The first one is I became full time care giver for five kids all summer. I literally had one day off per week. That’s a lot of kids and a lot of busyness. You might ask how that effected my day….well it left NO time to work out so even though I was still active my body was not getting that extra push to lose weight that I have been accustom to. Second, there was all those extra “bites and nibbles” of my husbands deserts and drinks. Even if I wouldn’t dish up my own bowl of ice cream, I would still “share” with him. I am a firm believer that you have to count your “bites, licks, and nibbles,” because they add up.

Those are the two things that I believe are the reasons my weight went up. So I had to put together a game plan right? After all, if your not happy with the way things are then YOU have to do something to change it. Nobody else was going to do it for me…I had to figure it out on my own. Now onto present day…..

I LONG to finish this journey that I started. My original goal was to loose 50 pounds. Unfortunately, now I am a little set back with a little over 50 to loose but Im still determined.

About two years ago I purchased a Total Gym. I thought it would be a great new tool to loosing the last bit of weight that I had to loose but unfortunately I didn’t like it as much as I thought I would. My little town home was too little to use it properly and it just wasn’t very “fun” to me. Everyone knows that exercising sucks anyway, so if you don’t find something that you enjoy then you probably wont do it because you don’t look forward to it.

SOOOOO…last week I sold my total gym and I bought a Smith Machine(picture on the right). I have known for awhile that for me to loose the rest of the weight I have to loose then I need to strength train….lift weights. This machine is amazing. I love it and there are so many things you can do with it. The best part is that its safe. You can lift heavier weights safely without someone being with you. I love pushing the limits on what my body can do. I have so so so much work to do. My body is sadly so ugly looking from being so overweight. I try to hide it by wearing tight jeans (to keep things in place) but the sad reality is I am pretty sure I cant fix it. Needless to say I have a LOOONNNGGG way to go but I am strong, and I am up for the challenge. Ive been doing this for two weeks now. Its very hard work and its pretty painful at times but I have learned that to gain beauty (inside and out) you must go through pain.

Hoping to blog more often now that the kids are in school. I miss it here and I miss all my blog friends!!!

It's something!!

It's not quite a pound but just to see the scale go down makes me excited again. Loosing weight used to be fun for me but it lost its luster. I know one thing...getting fat does not feel good. I like the skinny feeling better than the best tasting food or drink. I'm in the game again!!
Also, I hit a goal today on my bike. I did ten miles in less then an hour. So exciting!!

Wednesday

Still weighing in at 191.4. I guess I cant expect the scale to move when I just got serious about what I was putting in my mouth two days ago. I was still hoping. I really cant wait to see 188 again. I felt so good at that weight and I was just there a mere two months ago. Im patient.
Yesterday I went to work with my husband and didnt pack any food. Poor planning on my part but I still managed to do ok. For breakfast I had chicken nuggets from Chic Fil A and for lunch I had a salad from Chipotle (yummy). For dinner I had a weight watchers meal with a slice of whole wheat bread. So all in all it was not too bad.
Ill check in again soon. Ill post some pictures below.

Vlog

Changes

I feel like every time I blog I start out with "Its been so long!" LOL

I didn't want to start out that way this time. So many things have changed and I wanted to catch up and hopefully start blogging more often.

 

Where to start? My life is completely different now. Ill share the personal side of it first. I am getting married in 22 days. I'm really really happy about where my life is right now. I feel like I have finally come to a place where I am content and "home," so to speak. I do have a few final goals that I want to meet with my weight loss but I will cover that later. My fiance's name is Trevor. He is wonderful. When I look back at my life I can see how God was preparing me for him all along. All the really hard and horrible trials I have gone through only shaped me into who I am today. He is exactly who I was looking and waiting for. I cant wait to start my life with him. 

 

We are not having a wedding per say. Neither one of us want the mess of going through all the ceremonial stuff. On the 20th of February we will head down the the justice of the peace with a few people that want to come and we will say our vows. It will be simple and sweet. In the meantime, I am really love being engaged to this wonderful man. We did register just for the fun of it. I actually didn't think you could do that if you were not having a full blown wedding but I was wrong. It was so much fun to shop and pick out the things we both liked and could use together. It really is the happiest time of my life. 

 

In more challenging news Skyler is not doing as well as we would like. I have always known that he was different then all the other kids but he was little and I wasn't sure where to go or turn for help. Also I worked all the time and I just didn't have time for doctors appointments and testings that would need done. I don't have to work now so I am focusing on getting him tested in all areas to find out what is different about him. I am pretty sure he has Autism or a very high functioning form of it. I am trying to adjust to the fact that I have a special needs child. Trevor is wonderful with him and so patient and loving. So Ill update more on that as I know more. The doctors that specialize in this are booked out for months. It will take time. 

 

On the weight loss front...I am sitting right now at 190.4. I have only lost about six pounds since my surgery in May. So so sad...haha!! I have not been concentrating on it as much but I am proud that I haven't actually gained weight. 

Yesterday I started a new program called The South Beach Diet. I'm sure everyone has heard of it. I only have about 40 pounds left to loose but its the hardest damn 40 pounds to loose EVER!!! I was so so frustrated that I could eat so well and not loose any weight. I decided I needed to change something up and I liked the plan and decided to try it. Today is day two and I'm feeling very shaky. I am pretty sure its because I drank coffee and that is actually not on the plan. I didn't want to fail and coffee is really important to me so I kept it. I do think I will go and get some decaf so that the shakiness goes away. Other then that the diet is pretty easy and very similar to what I have been doing the past (almost) three years. What I miss most is my toast and jelly in the morning! I didn't know how important that was to me. The good part is I can reincorporate the toast in the third week so this is just temporary. 

I'm so excited to start loosing weight again. I want to FINISH this journey I started. I'm ready to be in "maintenance" mode. 

I posted my measurements below. Last time I measured was in April and since I have not lost much weight the numbers have not changed much. 

The picture above is me and Trevor. Isn't he handsome?

 

I miss all your wonderful comments. I am hoping that they will come again and motivate me to finish what I have started here.

 

 

 

April 2012

Buttock:  47.5
Waist:  38.5
Upper arm:13.5
Calf: 17.5
Bust:  40.5

 

Today

Buttock: 47

Waste: 38

upper arm: 14

Bust: 39.5

Calf: 17.5