It been awhile.....

 Its been six years since Ive seen the number 195. The last time I weighed that was before Skyler was born seven year ago. Its an incredible feeling.

I also cut my hair very short. Im not sure what to think about it yet.
Im feeling a little more positive about life....

Life...

Life is hard...dating is hard...being a mom is hard. This is not new news to anyone but Ive just been feeling it a little more lately. I have so much to learn about myself. Dating is really different for me. Ive never been in a relationship that lasted so long (in the dating faze that is). Its been seven months and sometime I have no idea what is going on or where it is going. I try to be satisfied with what I have but I cant help but think about what I ultimately want and I'm just not sure that will ever happen. Am I really doomed to grow old alone? That thought scares me. I just want to start a life with someone by my side, someone who will be there when the kids are gone, someone who will get wrinkles with me...I want I want I want. Life doesnt always give us what we want does it?
Depressing.....why do I have to be so depressing?
I am thankful that I have lost four pounds since I started the treadmill. I'm down to 196 from 199 a couple weeks ago. At least that's working....

Its working....

Ive worked out all week...and today is the first day I saw an actual drop on the scale. Ive gone from 199 to 197.4. So wonderful!!!

Finally

I think I have finally got my groove back. After months and months of not gaining and not really loosing I was in a rut!! I didn't like Zumba anymore...much less any exercise and so I stayed steady...eating OK but not making progress. Thank God over the last six months of me not focusing on my weight loss I didn't gain a whole bunch back.





I got my tax money back and decided it was time to go back to the old treadmill and walk/run these last 50 pounds off. I searched around town for the best deal...making sure not to sacrifice quality (a cheap treadmill is like throwing away money), and I found what I wanted at Costco. It literally took four people to get this over three hundred pound treadmill into my tiny town home. It was so worth it. This thing has all the bells and whistles...a built in fan...pulse monitor...IPod dock...and it included Julian Michael's IFitness program (which I have yet to figure out.) I'm so happy with my purchase.





Sadly I am extremely out of shape and can barley run 30 seconds at a time without going back to walking...but Ill work up to it. Its really fun to be in competition with yourself.





So as it stands right now...my weight is 199. Thats still 120 pounds lost (all by myself) with 49 pounds to go!!! Also, I found this wonderful FREE app on my phone called "myfitnesspal." Its wonderful because I can log my foods and it counts my calories (it put me on 1200 cals per day).It tracks my exercise and I can even have buddies. If anyone is interested then leave your email address in the comments and Ill invite you. You can do it online or if you have a smart phone you can find the app with that name.





I'm so excited to get my groove back. Its good to be accountable again for every bite taste and lick. Everything counts again and I'm excited to be focused.

Uggggg

Discouraged that the scale is still sitting at 200. Sigh!!!!!!

This blog...

I really think that posting on this blog is going to help me be a little more accountable and also your comments and knowing people are in this with me helps so much...so Im going to try and get on here more. I also need to start posting more pictures....one because its fun LOL...and two because it shows me how I look right now.

I am really bad at commenting back when people ask questions so Im going to try and be better at that. Annalisa201 asked me about my boyfriend, and Chuck. LOL Annalisa, no my boyfriend is not the one who wants a "skinny" women and will pay me 500 dollars when I get to 150; however, he still texts me and asks how much I weigh and If I still have a boyfriend. LOL Funny guy! Yes, I still use the total gym but not very often. I dont know why some things take and some things dont. Zumba was my best friend for so long but now I cant get back into it. I hope the treadmill takes like the Zumba did. I still have the Zumba if you wanted to buy it. It cost 100 (with shipping) but Id let it go for 55.

mommabear asked if 30 minutes of Zumba was good enough? Yes!!!!! Of course it is but most of the Zumba CD's are longer then 30 minutes. Actually, I have learned that you really only need 20-30 minutes of cardio for it to be effective...and most of the Zumba CD's were about 50 minutes (THATS FIFTY MINUTES OF PURE FUN THOUGH!!!!)

A few asked about my boyfriend. He is wonderful. He could really care less if I lost weight. He likes me just the way I am. Also....we have been dating for about seven months now and we are exclusive. WHOOP WHOOP!!

A few people have mentioned how frustrated you have been and how hard it is to work so hard at eating right and exercising and not see the scale move. Some people say not to weigh yourself every day, but I cant help it....it motivates me and it also reassures me that the scale isn't going UP!!!!

They have a new diet out called the HCG diet. It used to be where you could only get it through a doctor but now they sale it in....WALMART!!!! LOL Anyway, I was standing in line at the Walmart check out line and there was a fairly large looking couple behind me and they saw the HCG pills and started commenting on it. I could hear the lady telling the man that it was a GREAT diet and in literally melts your fat away. I nearly busted out laughing. Normally I dont say anything but this time I had to. Here is how the conversation went....

Me: So you heard that the HCG pills work hugh?


Lady: Oh yes, it melt your fat.


Me: Wow! So, do you know if it makes you follow a diet or do the pills do all the work?


Lady: Oh no....you HAVE to follow the diet and use the pills. I haven't actually tried them myself but I have a friend that does.


Me: Do you think that you could loose weight by just following the diet and not taking the pills?


Lady: (she laughs out loud) Yes, you are probably right.



I told her that I had lost 122 pounds and to not waste her money because there was no magic pill. Only hard work and perseverance will get you to a healthy weight. I am just so shocked about how many money maker diet pills there are out there. Its astounding and sad.

Thanks for your encouragment ladies. You modivate me. One more quetion, does anyone else have a "night eating" habit? If so do you have any suggestions on how NOT to eat in the middle of the night?

Fed up

I am so fed up with not loosing any weight. I'm very disappointed in myself. I'm at the same weight and to be honest I think I'm a few pounds up. I'm still under 200 but I should be way farther along then I am. Its time to go back to basics. Today I will take my notebook to work and start logging every bite taste and meal. I'm also waiting on my tax return because Im going to buy a treadmill. I don't think I can go back to Zoomba although I loved it for so long...it doesn't fit into my busy lifestyle anymore. A treadmill will give me a good 30 minute work out before work and Ill be good to go. The total gym is amazing as well because (again) its a quick work out.
(Id love to sell my zumba if someone is interested)
So, its good that I'm fed up. I still have been pretty good with my eating but I again am struggling with eating in the middle of the night and unfortunately Ive gotten lazy and instead of making a healthy meal, Ill eat a bowl of cereal (I would have NEVER done that before).

Anyway, I'm headed to work but I know Ive been absent from this blog and you sweet ladies have been checking on me. I really need motivation. I need to get started again.....Its really hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ill be back.