It been awhile.....

 Its been six years since Ive seen the number 195. The last time I weighed that was before Skyler was born seven year ago. Its an incredible feeling.

I also cut my hair very short. Im not sure what to think about it yet.
Im feeling a little more positive about life....

Life...

Life is hard...dating is hard...being a mom is hard. This is not new news to anyone but Ive just been feeling it a little more lately. I have so much to learn about myself. Dating is really different for me. Ive never been in a relationship that lasted so long (in the dating faze that is). Its been seven months and sometime I have no idea what is going on or where it is going. I try to be satisfied with what I have but I cant help but think about what I ultimately want and I'm just not sure that will ever happen. Am I really doomed to grow old alone? That thought scares me. I just want to start a life with someone by my side, someone who will be there when the kids are gone, someone who will get wrinkles with me...I want I want I want. Life doesnt always give us what we want does it?
Depressing.....why do I have to be so depressing?
I am thankful that I have lost four pounds since I started the treadmill. I'm down to 196 from 199 a couple weeks ago. At least that's working....

Its working....

Ive worked out all week...and today is the first day I saw an actual drop on the scale. Ive gone from 199 to 197.4. So wonderful!!!

Finally

I think I have finally got my groove back. After months and months of not gaining and not really loosing I was in a rut!! I didn't like Zumba anymore...much less any exercise and so I stayed steady...eating OK but not making progress. Thank God over the last six months of me not focusing on my weight loss I didn't gain a whole bunch back.





I got my tax money back and decided it was time to go back to the old treadmill and walk/run these last 50 pounds off. I searched around town for the best deal...making sure not to sacrifice quality (a cheap treadmill is like throwing away money), and I found what I wanted at Costco. It literally took four people to get this over three hundred pound treadmill into my tiny town home. It was so worth it. This thing has all the bells and whistles...a built in fan...pulse monitor...IPod dock...and it included Julian Michael's IFitness program (which I have yet to figure out.) I'm so happy with my purchase.





Sadly I am extremely out of shape and can barley run 30 seconds at a time without going back to walking...but Ill work up to it. Its really fun to be in competition with yourself.





So as it stands right now...my weight is 199. Thats still 120 pounds lost (all by myself) with 49 pounds to go!!! Also, I found this wonderful FREE app on my phone called "myfitnesspal." Its wonderful because I can log my foods and it counts my calories (it put me on 1200 cals per day).It tracks my exercise and I can even have buddies. If anyone is interested then leave your email address in the comments and Ill invite you. You can do it online or if you have a smart phone you can find the app with that name.





I'm so excited to get my groove back. Its good to be accountable again for every bite taste and lick. Everything counts again and I'm excited to be focused.

Uggggg

Discouraged that the scale is still sitting at 200. Sigh!!!!!!