Brightlineeating day 2

Day two is in the bag!!! I am still adjusting to this new way of eating but I actually love it. The truth is...when I'm out of control and eating everything I can get my hands on (usually on Friday cheat day) I do not feel happy. In fact I actually start feeling sick. It's so not worth it  I have been praying that Jesus would help me overcome this gluttony. It was really holding me back from my full potential that God created me to have.

I am so happy to be back ok in control.

I wanted to add that I am following the program but I am blurring my bright lines a little. I am still putting Carmel stevia in my coffee. This is not recommended and i know it but it's happening for now.

The good news is my weight is down four pounds from day one so something is working. This program is working for me. My meals are pictured below.

 Breakfast: 1 oz oats, one egg, one peach. I put PB2 in the oatmeal with cinnamon and cut out one egg.

 Lunch: 4 oz ground turkey with mrs. dash taco seasoning, butternut squash(six oz), one banana and one tbsp of peanut butter.

Dinner: 14 oz of greens and veggies, three oz of garbanzo beans with no added salt, lemon juice and tahini. 

Brightlineeating Day 1 with life catch up

I started this blog in 2010 when I weighed 319 pounds. I had just given birth to my 5th child whom I relinquished to adoption a few months earlier.  At 319 pounds I realized that my life had spiraled out of control and I needed to find a way to get it back in control. I didn't know how I was going to do it but I knew I was going to do it no matter what. Fast forward two years and I was down 135 pounds and about 35 pounds from my goal weight. 

Today is 2018 and I have still not reached my goal weight.  The reality of this makes me extremely sad. I see lots of people around me that are living in maintenance land and I'm looking at myself saying "why can't you just do this one thing?"

My life is changed drastically in the last 5 and a 1/2 years. After I gave my son up for adoption I knew I would never have more children. But I guess that was my plan not Gods because with my new husband came 3 beautiful stepchildren. 

It has not been an easy 5 years for me. I have struggled with over eating and a little bit of alcholohism (blogs are about being honest right?) Yes its true, I turned to drinking. Drinking put about 50 pounds on my body putting me even further from my weight loss goal. Sigh!

You might ask....why do you want so desperatly to achieve this number? It's a good question for sure. It's not about being skinny, which is ironic that I named my blog "finding my skinny," but I don't want to achieve skinny.  Before I became pregnant at 18 years old and entered a very abusive relationship I weighed 135 pounds. To me  135 pounds represents the time before I became damaged and broken.  Now my goal weight is not a 135 pounds, because I don't feel that is realistic, so I have set it at 150. 

For me, losing all this fat is like saying goodbye to the pain and suffering of the past. 

In November of 2016 I made a trip to Michigan to visit my birthstone and his beautiful family. I weighed in at about 235 and the pictures show it  I do not feel good or look good at 235. I decided that when I got home I was going to make a change....again. sigh! So I did. I joined weight watchers and lost 48 pounds in 2017....and then in 2018 weight watchers changed there plan and I stopped losing weight. This could have been my fault....no....let me rephrase this...it was my fault. You see...I like to make my own rules. I tip to around the true issues and do what feels "COMFORTABLE" to me. What did that look like? Well I had successfully given up my alchohol (best decision Ever) but I wasn't willing to give up my Friday cheat day. I would completely go off the weight watchers plan on Friday and basically gorge myself to the point of being sick again and then white  Knuckle It through the rest of the week, All the while day dreaming about all the food I was gonna eat on Friday, and then when Friday came around gorge myself again. No wonder I wasn't losing weight. (Deep breaths) 

So here I sit. Its Saturday morning. I weigh in at 191.4 and I've been pretty miserable with this way of living soooo.....I'm trying something new....again and today is my first day. I am going to try my best to blog every day for the first two weeks at least. I did so well when I was accountable here. 

So what is it? What's the new plan you might ask? Good question.  With this new plan there will be no cheat days. It's called "brightlineeating" and there are basically four bright lines I will not cross. There is much science behind this but I will go into that later. My four bright lines are:

1. No sugar

2. No flour

3. Three meals a day no snacks

4. Quantities-measure your food 

This takes the guess work out for me. I have taken my measurements and my before pics. I will post them below and my first breakfast. I feel very positive about this and excited.  I'm tired of feeling so bad about myself. So day one....here I come. 

Measurements 

Bust: 38.5 inches

Buttox: 47.0

Waistline: 38.5

Thighs: 29.5

Calves: 18.5
Arms in the air(extra skin hiding)15.0

Hello everyone.  I completely forgot about this blog until I was signing up for an ambassador program for some headbands that I love and asked if I had a blog. Oh my goodness,  of course I have a blog and I should be writing here.  But seriously, does anyone ever blog anymore?
 So anyway before I decide if I'm going to start posting here again, please tell me if you're still out there? Does anyone read blogs anymore?

Rebekah

Finding peace

 I received some very thoughtful comments after my last confusing blog post.  I thought in response to those I would just give a little update.  The last three years have been very hard on me.   I can't go into very much detail but it's been quite a journey for me to adjust too.  Don't get me wrong, I love my life right now but I have learned a lot about myself through the trials I have faced the last 3 1/2 years.  I have learned that I have a very addictive personality and I tend to run to very unhealthy habits when times get tough.  Fortunately, I am strong enough to know that I was going down an unhealthy path and I was able to stop myself from going there, but I had to stop and ask myself a question...Why do I keep falling into these traps?  I desperately want to be healthy inside and outside but I just couldn't seem to reach my goals so I had to do some soul-searching. In a search for some significance in this life I can honestly say that I'm finding my purpose. Each day I study...I read a lot...I eat fresh whole foods...I stay away from alcohol(which to be honest is hard for me since I tend to want to medicate when times get tough)...I exercise...and I pray. I believe practicing all these things each and every day has really helped me to focus on the things that matter in life instead of worrying about everyone around me or worrying about  my future and what's going to happen to me. Of course for me to accomplish all these things requires quite a long day for me. I wake up at five o'clock to fit it all in. I don't mind, although my husband thinks I'm crazy to give up sleep for reading. ) I have never required much sleep so it's not a huge sacrifice for me. I think the last time I slept in was before I had my first baby at nineteen. Crazy right? What's even crazier is that baby is now 20.

So, I guess I feel like in starting over on this blog. It's easy to get discouraged but I refuse to quit. My starting weight when I started writing here was 319. I lost 135 pounds but unfortunately I have gained back about 34 pounds in the last three years. Is that what marriage does to you? What am I doing now? Well, I am back in the gym. Today I did body pump. I am on a mostly plant and healthy starch diet. I am feeding my body and my soul some good food. I am just praying it all makes a difference.

And for the record, and since I've always tried to be homes here, here is a scale picture. My BMI is very high. I will be working to get that down. 

Unbelievable

I never thought that the people closest to me would be the ones to judge me so badly. I never imagined that my journey to reach my goals would reach a screeching halt because of this. I never thought that anyone cared what I put in my mouth (healthy fruits and veggies and proteins) would cause such a disturbance in my family. I never thought I would have to fight so hard for happiness and peace. I can not wait to get to heaven. 

16 years and bad dreams

Today my first born son (Matthew) turns 16. He doesn't live with me so I won't get to spend the day with him but his dad will. It's makes me sad but I am also very happy he is doing well at his dad's. About a year ago I let him decide who he wanted to live with. After being with me for fifteen years he decided it would be fun to spend time with dad. I agreed with him. It was time. It sure doesn't make it easier on me. I miss him desperately. 

I'm up at five again this morning. My normal waking time is about six but with the time change I think my body is still being weird. For some reason I have consistently been having bad dreams. I don't even want to sleep anymore so that I can make the dreams stop. They usually involve scary things like my husband leaving or someone hurting my son Skyler because he won't behave. I'm so tired of it. I always wake up in a black cloud and spend the morning trying to shake it off. Sigh! 

Today is day four on my nutrition plan from my personal trainer. It's going well but I am going over my calories every single day. At night I'm eating two slices of bread with organic peanut butter and honey on it. If I could skip that evening snack then I would be closer to my calorie goals. My first "official" paid meeting with the PT is Tuesday so I will talk to him about it. In the meantime I'm not exercising. I feel a bit out of shape for not doing so but that will change soon. 

It hasn'tnt been easy this weekend. Normally I participate in all the eating and drinking and then live to regret but I have been able to say no to myself and just drink a cup of tea instead. I'm so proud. To be honest it felt really great to not have a hangover or to be bloated from too much pizza the night before. I'm happy!! 

I always have to remember that life is what you make of it. God put us here on earth to enjoy ourselves but also to be wise about it along the way. 

We went to the zoo yesterday as a family. We currently have our house for sale and we needed to be out for a house showing. Here is a picture i had taken

. I sure love him. ❤️❤️❤️ 

Also, to the lady who wanted to be my weight loss buddy, I tried to email you but it was returned. My email address is Rebekahb1975@yahoo.com. 

The struggle

The struggle is real. Have I said that before? I recently hired a personal trainer, and by recently, I mean two days ago. Since I got married nearly three years ago I have not been able to pull it together. I know what I'm doing wrong and I only have myself to blame. I should be stronger, regardless of who is around me and the choices they are making. Info not have to feel guilty for saying no. I made the decision to get a trainer because I can't do this on my own. I have gained a good twenty pounds since my marriage. My life has changed and so the way I have done things in the past are not working. My first personal training session is this Tuesday. In the meantime he has me on a nutrition plan. Crossing my fingers and praying a lot.